Have you ever wondered why some people seem to hold on to their problems, never really making an effort to change, even though help is available? You might think they’re just stuck, or maybe they enjoy the suffering. It’s not that simple. There’s a psychological phenomenon known as secondary gain, and it might explain why some individuals actually receive benefits from remaining in a state of distress, illness, or suffering.

What is Secondary Gain?

Secondary gain is a psychological concept that refers to the hidden benefits someone might receive from their illness, suffering, or difficult situation. In other words, these people's situations often provide them with some sort of emotional, psychological, or material reward. For example, when someone experiences illness or emotional distress, they might receive attention, care, or sympathy from others. This attention becomes a source of comfort, making it more difficult for them to break free from their situation. The phenomenon can be surprisingly subtle and often operates unconsciously, meaning the person isn't fully aware of the benefits they are receiving. Let’s dive deeper into it with a practical example.

A Child’s Cry for Attention: Secondary Gain in Action

Imagine a child who isn’t receiving the emotional support they need. Maybe they’re ignored or devalued by their parents. They don’t get the affection or attention they crave. But when the child gets sick, suddenly everyone is concerned. They receive care, compassion, and even special treatment, such as being excused from responsibilities like schoolwork or chores. This temporary secondary gain—the love, attention, and care they now receive—becomes a rewarding experience. Over time, the child may start to associate illness with love and attention, reinforcing the behavior. It’s not hard to see how this pattern can follow a person into adulthood. As an adult, someone might experience symptoms of illness or become overly dependent in order to continue receiving care and attention from others. It’s important to distinguish this from consciously faking illness (malingering); secondary gain often operates unconsciously.

Why Do People Receive Benefits from Suffering?

On the surface, it might seem absurd that someone would receive benefits from remaining in a weak or suffering position, especially when they have the chance to improve their situation. Yet, the reality is much more complex. The unconscious mind doesn’t always act in the way that would lead to obvious, conscious happiness—it’s often focused on fulfilling deeper, often unconscious needs, such as needs for attention, validation, control, or escape from difficult emotions. These rewards can come in many forms, such as avoiding responsibility, gaining sympathy, or protecting oneself from harsh judgment. Take, for instance, individuals who find themselves in toxic relationships or situations of financial dependence. They might not consciously want to stay in these situations, but unconsciously, they may benefit from the emotional support or financial security provided by others. The secondary gain here isn’t necessarily about conscious happiness; it’s about fulfilling underlying psychological needs and often about feeling safe, secure, or avoiding personal responsibility.

When Help Can Be Met with Resistance

The tricky part about secondary gain is that it can make people resistant to change. As a result, well-meaning help from others may not only go unappreciated but may actually cause frustration and hostility. If you try to offer advice or support to someone who’s receiving benefits from their suffering, they might unconsciously resist your help entirely. They don’t want to give up the emotional rewards their suffering provides. For instance, in the case of a person who experiences repeated illnesses and receives attention as a result, trying to force them to “get better” may feel like an attack. They might see it as an invasion of their space or an attempt to take away something that has become a source of comfort. This resistance is often unconscious, not a deliberate choice to reject help.

Types of Secondary Gain

Secondary gain isn’t always about manipulating others. Sometimes, it’s a defense mechanism—an unconscious way to deal with emotional trauma or stressful situations. People might experience symptoms of illness in order to reunite with estranged family members, for instance, or to receive support during a difficult time. This isn’t necessarily about faking illness—it’s an unconscious way of seeking the love and support they didn’t receive earlier. Another common example is when someone unconsciously adopts a role of weakness or helplessness in order to avoid responsibility, like in the case of feeling overwhelmed by a competitive environment. When there’s too much at stake, unconsciously adopting a role of being ill or incapable can provide relief from making tough decisions. It’s not a healthy way of coping, but for some, it’s the only way they unconsciously know to manage the situation.

The Hidden Costs of Secondary Gain

So, why does anyone receive benefits from staying in a difficult situation, even if it costs them their happiness? The psychological cost of receiving benefits from a state of helplessness is often very high. It’s not easy to acknowledge that you’re receiving benefits from a bad situation—it’s like accepting that misery has somehow become comfortable. Yet, for many, this discomfort feels safer than trying to confront the underlying issues. Living in a constant state of dependence or perceived weakness can become a form of emotional protection. It shields them from perceived harsh realities, criticism, or judgment from others. The fear of being judged or of facing failure is often enough to make people unconsciously prefer the perceived security of self-imposed helplessness.

Breaking Free from the Cycle of Secondary Gain

The first step in overcoming secondary gain is to acknowledge that it exists and to become aware of the potential benefits you might be unconsciously receiving from your struggles. If you recognize that you’re receiving benefits from your struggles, whether it’s getting attention, avoiding responsibility, or escaping judgment, then you can begin to address the deeper psychological needs that are driving this behavior. However, it’s not always easy to break free from these deeply ingrained patterns. Therapy, particularly psychodynamic therapy or cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), and self-reflection can help individuals identify why they might unconsciously feel the need to stay in these situations. The key is to find healthier ways of fulfilling the emotional needs that might have once been met through suffering.

Conclusion: Understanding the Psychological Impact

In summary, secondary gain is a powerful psychological phenomenon that can explain why people sometimes receive benefits from remaining in difficult, even unhealthy situations. Whether it’s about receiving attention, avoiding judgment, or protecting oneself from emotional pain, secondary gain can be a major barrier to personal growth. Breaking free from secondary gain requires self-awareness, a willingness to change, and support from others, including potentially professional help. It’s important to recognize that sometimes, the suffering we face can be both a source of unconscious comfort and a roadblock to healing. Only by understanding this psychological concept can we begin to address the deeper issues that keep us trapped in unhealthy cycles and work towards healthier ways of meeting our needs.