In recent years, attitudes toward relationships have shifted significantly. More and more people are starting to see the end of an unhappy union as an acceptable option, instead of fighting to keep a relationship alive at all costs. People have begun to realize that staying in a toxic or unhealthy relationship is no longer a sign of loyalty, but of self-sabotage. Yet, despite the progress, the issue of domestic violence remains unresolved, and sadly, there are still about 30% of people who continue to stay in destructive relationships.

The Changing View of Relationships and Divorce

Today, while fewer people are willing to endure a relationship that isn’t fulfilling, the reasons behind divorces and separations are still alarming. Many couples remain unaware of what healthy relationships actually look like, and this ignorance can be seen in the data. The most common reason for divorce, as reported by 33% of participants, is financial strain. This suggests that many still expect relationships to be co-dependent, where one partner feels they are giving more than they’re receiving. To fully understand this dynamic, it helps to break down some key concepts.

Healthy Relationships: What Does It Really Mean?

Imagine a healthy relationship as a Venn diagram consisting of three overlapping circles. The largest circle represents mutual responsibility—activities that both partners engage in to achieve shared goals, such as raising children, providing emotional support, or building financial stability. Within this zone, you have two smaller circles: one for the man and one for the woman.

Issues arise in two main situations:

1. One partner fails to participate in the mutual responsibilities—be it through lack of work, neglecting shared tasks like childcare, or even simply not being emotionally present during tough times.
2. One partner intrudes on the other’s personal space—violating boundaries with behaviors such as jealousy, controlling tendencies, or imposing unrealistic expectations. These actions can lead to frustration and, ultimately, conflict.

The Dilemma: To Fight or To Leave?

When problems like these arise, the key question becomes whether to fight for the relationship or to let it go. This is where compromise plays a crucial role. In psychology, compromise involves discussing problems, voicing grievances, and openly communicating needs. Each partner then explains what they’re willing to change and what they can’t, with the goal of finding a middle ground where both partners feel satisfied but also willing to make sacrifices for the sake of the relationship.

However, this process must be free of violence and emotional discomfort. For example, if a woman doesn’t want to work and the man is fine with supporting the family, but he refuses to buy her extravagant things, they’ve reached a compromise where both partners’ needs are respected. Similarly, if one partner is involved in an affair but the other is okay with it as long as they get more respect and attention in the relationship, they are also negotiating a middle ground.

This is where we must draw the line between healthy compromises and unhealthy attachments. Sometimes, people fight for a relationship out of compensation—seeking to meet their emotional needs at the expense of their partner.

The Dangers of Compensation in Relationships

Compensation occurs when one partner places exaggerated demands on the other, or when they fear being alone and cling to the relationship for support. For instance, a man with low self-esteem may obsess over securing a beautiful and desirable woman, controlling her every move through jealousy, threats, and emotional manipulation. On the other hand, women may use moral pressure, accusing their partner of not being a "real man" if he doesn’t meet their expectations.

In some cases, anxiety plays a big role. A partner might demand constant attention and emotional validation, believing that their partner is the only source of their worth. This often leads to suppressing personal needs and tolerating disrespect for the sake of holding on to the relationship. These people may justify their actions by claiming high moral standards—believing they are somehow superior in their loyalty and capacity for love.

In reality, this isn’t love—it’s emotional dependency. It’s the result of a need for external validation, often in the form of emotional neglect. The fear of being alone often outweighs the pain of enduring an unhealthy relationship.

The Fine Line Between Dependency and Love

When people try to preserve a relationship at any cost, it’s often a sign of unhealthy attachment, low self-esteem, or even emotional infantilism. If a person finds themselves in a relationship where they endure constant emotional pain or abuse just to avoid being alone, it’s a red flag. No matter how much they justify staying, they’re ultimately choosing something harmful. Much like an animal that chooses behavior that causes harm to itself, a person clinging to a toxic relationship is doing the same.

It’s also important to note that the reduced societal pressure today means that people are more willing to leave when things get uncomfortable. Yet, still, many remain trapped in relationships because they confuse their mutual responsibilities with personal boundaries. When a partner doesn’t meet their unrealistic expectations, they feel the relationship is no longer worth maintaining.

Recognizing the Boundaries in a Relationship

It’s important to understand when it’s time to let go and when it’s worth fighting for the relationship. If mutual respect is lost, or if emotional or physical abuse enters the picture, no compromise is worth the pain. However, if partners can respect each other’s boundaries, communicate openly, and address issues without crossing the line into violence or emotional manipulation, the relationship may be worth fighting for. Healthy compromise means both partners are content with the terms they’ve agreed upon, without sacrificing emotional well-being.

Final Thoughts: When Should You Let Go?

It’s essential to remember that self-respect and emotional well-being should always come first. Emotional independence—the ability to be happy and fulfilled as an individual—is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship. While a relationship can bring joy, it should never come at the cost of self-worth or personal dignity.

In the end, a relationship should be a partnership, not a battleground. It should bring joy, emotional support, and a sense of shared purpose. If it stops doing that and becomes a place of hurt, fear, or manipulation, it may be time to walk away. There is no shame in leaving a relationship that harms you—only the strength to move toward healthier, more fulfilling experiences.