Cognitive distortions are mental patterns that lead us to make inaccurate judgments and irrational decisions. In simple terms, they’re the psychological errors we make when interpreting the world around us. These distortions can skew our perception of reality, causing us to see things not as they are, but through a lens colored by false beliefs and past experiences. It's when someone is completely convinced of their own rightness, but upon closer examination, it turns out they were very wrong. This phenomenon is at the root of many conflicts, both internal and external, as people with different cognitive distortions clash, unable to understand each other’s perspective.

The Psychology Behind Cognitive Distortion

At its core, cognitive distortion is a result of the mind’s attempts to handle vast amounts of incoming information. Every moment, our psyche is bombarded with signals—everything from news stories to personal emotions to the actions of others. Our brain needs to filter, assess, and analyze these signals, but this is an incredibly complex and resource-heavy process.

The process happens in stages. First, we receive external signals—events or interactions that grab our attention. Next, the mind processes these signals, analyzing their relevance. Finally, it assesses the situation—deciding whether it’s important or not, whether it presents a threat, or whether it should be ignored. This is the point where cognitive distortions can emerge. If the mind gets overloaded and doesn’t have enough resources to analyze everything properly, it can default to a pre-existing mental template, simplifying the situation into something easier to manage.

For example, if you’re being chased by a dog, the mind will quickly assess the threat and decide on an immediate course of action: run, protect yourself, and seek help. However, if you’re inside a tank, the same event doesn’t feel threatening. The mind adjusts accordingly, choosing to ignore the details that don’t matter and focusing only on the relevant data. This streamlining of thought can be helpful in some situations, but it also means that complex issues can be reduced to oversimplified conclusions, leading to distorted perceptions.

The Burden of Too Much Information

Our minds are not built to process endless streams of information efficiently. Over time, the brain becomes overloaded by the sheer volume of data—news, emotions, desires, and social interactions. This can lead to a form of mental fatigue, where instead of analyzing each situation fully, we rely on mental shortcuts or cognitive templates to make decisions more quickly. These shortcuts can save energy in the short term but lead to distortions in how we view the world.

For example, when overwhelmed by too much information, a person might turn to stereotypes or simplistic categories to help make sense of things. Instead of evaluating a situation in full, they may default to pre-existing labels, such as "all men are untrustworthy" or "women are manipulative," which are cognitive distortions rooted in social stereotypes. These simplifications might make life easier in the moment, but they also distort the way we interact with others and the world at large.

Cognitive Distortion and Abusive Relationships

Abusers, whether consciously or unconsciously, use cognitive distortions to justify their harmful behavior. By isolating their victim from alternative viewpoints, they create an environment where the victim is forced to rely on the distorted version of reality presented by the abuser. They may block their partner from interacting with friends or consuming media that could challenge the abuser’s narrative, ensuring that the victim’s reality is shaped exclusively by the abuser's perspective.

This manipulation is compounded by the overwhelming flow of contradictory information. The victim may feel bombarded with messages that confuse their sense of self and reality. The abuser may constantly flood them with guilt-inducing messages, like, “No one will love you like I do,” or “If you leave me, you’ll regret it.” In this environment, the victim’s mind is forced to shut down its critical analysis and instead adopt the abuser’s template of reality, leading to a distorted perception of the relationship and the world around them.

How Cognitive Distortion Fuels Self-Destructive Behavior

In abusive relationships, cognitive distortions play a critical role in keeping the victim trapped. These distortions prevent them from seeing their situation clearly and can make them believe they are to blame for the abuse. The abusive partner may gaslight the victim, telling them things like “I only hit you because you made me angry” or “If you hadn’t provoked me, this wouldn’t have happened.” These statements distort the victim’s perception of reality, making them question their own understanding of the situation.

The victim may then start to believe the abusive partner’s justification and internalize the idea that they deserve the mistreatment. This cognitive distortion is rooted in feelings of guilt, shame, and fear. The victim might tell themselves, “I’ll stay, things will get better,” or “If I just try harder, he’ll stop hurting me.” These beliefs prevent the victim from breaking free and perpetuate the cycle of abuse.

The Dark Triad: Narcissism, Psychopathy, and Machiavellianism

In psychology, the "dark triad" refers to a combination of three harmful personality traits: narcissism, psychopathy, and Machiavellianism. People who exhibit all three traits are often prone to abusive behavior, as their actions are driven by distorted thinking patterns that support control and manipulation.

Narcissists have an inflated sense of self-importance and believe that others exist to serve their needs. They often use cognitive distortions to manipulate others into believing that they are the only source of love and support, leading to a toxic dynamic in relationships. They may also use phrases like, “I love you more than anyone else ever could,” or “You can’t survive without me.”

Psychopaths, on the other hand, have a low level of empathy and an inability to feel remorse. They may use cognitive distortions to justify their harmful actions, viewing others as mere tools for their benefit. These individuals are often manipulative and deceitful, using others for their own gain without regard for the harm they cause.

Machiavellians, who are highly manipulative and focused on gaining power, often use cognitive distortions to rationalize their actions. They believe that the ends justify the means and may manipulate others into doing things that serve their personal agenda. They often see relationships as transactions, where power is the ultimate prize.

Breaking Free from Cognitive Distortions

Breaking free from cognitive distortions requires awareness and conscious effort. It starts with recognizing that the mind is often tricked by oversimplified templates and beliefs. By challenging these distortions and taking the time to analyze situations more thoroughly, we can regain control over our thoughts and decisions.

In relationships, it's crucial to encourage open communication and critical thinking. Partners should create an environment where both people feel safe expressing their feelings and challenging each other’s beliefs without fear of retaliation. Cognitive distortions can be mitigated through therapy, self-reflection, and a commitment to seeing things as they truly are—not through the lens of past experiences and biases.

Conclusion: Moving Toward Clarity

Cognitive distortions are a natural part of the human psyche, but they don’t have to dictate our reality. By recognizing these patterns and actively working to challenge them, we can begin to see the world more clearly. Whether it’s in our relationships or our broader interactions, understanding how cognitive distortions shape our perceptions is the first step toward reclaiming control over our thoughts and emotions. And when we’re able to break free from these distorted patterns, we can live more authentically, with healthier relationships and a clearer sense of self.