In relationships, many women unknowingly assume roles that make communication with their partner tense and, ultimately, exhausting. This dynamic can trap both partners in an emotional cage, where neither can escape the unhealthy patterns created. The issue is rarely about separation but about the co-dependency forcing partners into either a caretaking or dependent role. To understand why this happens, we must explore the theory of roles in relationships.

Psychologists often categorize relationships into three main roles: partner, parent, and child. While a "partner" dynamic fosters balance and mutual respect, parent-child roles create hierarchy and imbalance, leading to frustration, boredom, and strain.

The Mommy Role in Relationships

Some women unknowingly adopt the "mommy" role, treating their partner like a child needing constant care and control, viewing him as helpless and unable to function independently. This stems from an unconscious belief that her partner requires guidance and correction. She may take over decision-making in all aspects of his life, from his wardrobe to his free time, using control and unsolicited advice to establish power. While initially appearing as care, this quickly becomes oppressive. This dynamic is sustainable only with an emotionally dependent partner; for self-sufficient men, this control becomes unbearable, ending the relationship.

The Girl-Child in a Relationship

On the opposite end of the spectrum, some women adopt the "child" role, expecting their partner to become their caretaker. In this toxic dynamic, the woman feels entitled to be spoiled, cared for, and supported without offering much in return. The man is expected to fulfill her needs, both emotionally and materially, while she behaves like a passive recipient. She offers approval and affection when her needs are met, but resorts to emotional pressure—resentment, guilt, and manipulation—when they are not or when he asserts boundaries. The woman in this role often feels helpless and relies on her partner for all decisions, creating emotional dependence. Her behavior forces the man into the role of provider and problem-solver, eventually leading to resentment on both sides.

The Trouble with Both Roles: A Co-Dependent Dynamic

Both the "mommy" and "child" roles are destructive. The parent figure tries to control, criticize, and fix everything about their partner, while the child figure remains passive and dependent, using emotional manipulation. These roles create imbalance, leading to resentment, frustration, and exhaustion. The man, tired of being controlled or manipulated, feels trapped. Even in a co-dependent relationship, the connection becomes strained, diminishing its quality.

How to Break Free from These Roles

The key to breaking free is self-awareness and understanding the root of these behaviors. If either partner slips into a parent-child dynamic, it’s important to recognize the underlying emotional needs and insecurities. A woman in the "mommy" role must acknowledge her need for control and examine why she feels compelled to "fix" her partner. A woman in the "child" role must recognize her emotional dependency and understand that her partner cannot fulfill all her needs. Empowering herself to be independent is key to breaking the cycle. Couples can also benefit from couples therapy to learn healthier communication and create a balanced partnership, shifting from co-dependency to mutual support, respect, and emotional autonomy.

Conclusion: The Importance of Equality in Relationships

To create a healthy, lasting relationship, both partners need to be equals. No one should be controlling or controlled emotionally. By recognizing unhealthy patterns like the "mommy" or "child" roles, couples can break free. While support and nurturing are natural, balance is key. Both partners should be independent, offer mutual support, and respect each other’s individuality. When both partners are emotionally mature and self-aware, the relationship can endure challenges without resorting to unhealthy dynamics.