First dates can often feel like scenes from a movie, full of excitement and anticipation. People meet, share their lives, and assess compatibility. Often, these interactions involve discussions of financial status—money, cars, apartments, and other material possessions. While this may seem like an innocent way of demonstrating financial stability, psychologists argue that when a person emphasizes these external markers, it may be a reflection of deeper psychological issues. Bragging about material wealth might be masking feelings of inadequacy or low self-esteem. This article explores the psychology behind such behavior and how it can affect relationships.

Financial Wealth as a Mask for Low Self-Esteem

At first glance, someone who boasts about their material wealth might appear confident, successful, and ready to enter into a serious relationship. While financial stability can be important, psychologists suggest that emphasizing external wealth may indicate underlying low self-esteem. Many individuals who focus on their financial success may do so because they do not feel validated internally. Instead of drawing confidence from their abilities, personality, or achievements, they look outward—at their possessions—as proof of their value. Lacking internal self-worth, they turn to external measures like material possessions to feel important. When value is based on possessions rather than character, the relationship shifts from mutual compatibility to external appearances. The partner may feel like a prize to be won, fostering competition rather than cooperation.

The Dangers of Co-dependence and Infantilization

A relationship where one partner brags about material wealth often reflects deeper psychological patterns, such as co-dependence and infantilization. This dynamic can involve codependency, where both partners rely on each other for unhealthy emotional support or validation. The man seeks validation through material displays, while the woman might seek emotional or financial security. This creates a dynamic where both partners are looking to fulfill unmet needs, but not necessarily in ways that are healthy or sustainable. Infantilization, where one partner takes a childlike role and the other a caretaker role, can further complicate this. This imbalance, especially if the man sees himself as the sole provider, can create a power dynamic where one partner becomes dependent.

A Focus on Material Wealth and Its Impact on Mutual Responsibility

In healthy relationships, there is a balance of responsibilities, including emotional, financial, and personal obligations. Emphasizing financial stability on a first date often shifts the focus from meaningful topics like emotional compatibility and shared values to external provisions. This shift in focus can prevent both individuals from discussing their personal needs and expectations for the relationship. If the discussion revolves only around material wealth, important aspects of emotional connection and partnership may go unaddressed. In such a relationship, issues like mutual respect, shared responsibilities, and emotional support may be overlooked, setting the stage for frustration and dissatisfaction later on. The pandemic highlighted this, as many couples discovered that relationships based primarily on external factors like financial stability struggled when forced to confront deeper emotional issues.

Material Wealth vs. True Compatibility

The danger of focusing too much on material wealth is that it can overshadow true compatibility. When a relationship begins based on the assumption that financial success is the key to attraction, it can quickly become apparent that material wealth alone is not enough to sustain a meaningful connection. Personal values, communication, respect, and emotional connection are far more crucial than possessions. If the relationship is built on the idea that financial status defines value, it is easy for both parties to overlook differences in personality, goals, and desires. The man may cling to the relationship for validation, while the woman may feel pressured to stay despite her unmet needs. His focus on external validation may hinder deeper emotional connection. He may seek someone who affirms his value through admiration rather than someone with shared values.

Why Emotional Connections Matter More Than Material Possessions

Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, emotional intelligence, and shared goals. Focusing on financial assets can prevent deeper connection. A partner who values emotional connection seeks someone with whom they can build a life, not just a financial foundation. It is important to recognize that a person's worth is not determined by what they own but by who they are. Financial stability is just one aspect of life, and it is far more important to find a partner who values shared emotional and psychological growth. Relationships based on mutual understanding and respect, rather than material possessions, are far more likely to endure and thrive over time.

Moving Beyond Material Wealth

If you find yourself focusing on external possessions to attract a partner, it may be a good idea to pause and reflect on what truly matters in a relationship. Are you looking for someone to admire you for what you have, or are you seeking a deep, emotional connection? Material wealth offers limited relationship sustenance. Without emotional connection, no amount of money can compensate. It is also important to examine your own motivations for seeking validation through material wealth. If you feel insecure about your self-worth, it may be helpful to address those feelings before pursuing a relationship. Healthy relationships are built on self-awareness, respect, and emotional understanding, not possessions.

Conclusion: Building Healthy Relationships

While material wealth can provide comfort and security, it should not be the foundation of a relationship. Healthy relationships are built on emotional connections, mutual respect, and shared values. When material wealth is the focus, it obscures true compatibility and fosters unhealthy dynamics of dependency and insecurity. By shifting the focus to emotional growth and mutual respect, both partners can create a strong, lasting bond based on shared values rather than external validation.