Life is often stressful. Problems, discomfort, and anxieties frequently dominate our conversations. We tend to dwell on problems and share them with others, but celebrating our successes often feels uncomfortable, and in some contexts, even frowned upon. Those who publicly display their happiness can face envy and criticism, sometimes finding societal relief only when they experience hardship. It's as if we expect pain to accompany success—as if it's the price we must pay for progress.

This dynamic of collective suffering is deeply rooted in historical experiences. From revolutions and wars to famine and economic collapse, societies have endured significant trauma. These experiences shape collective thinking, attitudes toward hardship, and how individuals perceive their own lives. People have learned to live with discomfort, sometimes considering it part of their national identity. The concept of suffering as something normal is embedded in the psyche, creating a cultural expectation that life is meant to be hard and that joy must be earned.

The Historical Context of Suffering

For centuries, life in countries like Russia has been marked by extreme hardship—wars, political turmoil, repression, and economic crises. Women, in particular, have often had to endure raising children alone, surviving on limited resources, and providing love in environments that offered little comfort or stability. This context has shaped how we view life: we glorify the ability to endure hardship and see it as a sign of strength. We may even consider living without comfort heroic.

This mentality extends to how we view our emotions. In many cultures, the focus has been on emotional restraint, especially in parenting. Children were often taught to suppress their emotions, as showing vulnerability or asking for comfort was seen as weakness. This attitude toward emotions has perpetuated the idea that suffering is to be endured, not discussed, and that emotional expression should be limited.

The Fear of Happiness and the Need for Suffering

For many, the idea of experiencing happiness or success is met with an underlying fear—fear that it may be temporary or come at a cost. The thought of fully enjoying life can seem impossible, quickly followed by the expectation that hardship is imminent. This fear is not only about the possibility of misfortune but also about the collective societal belief that happiness and comfort are fleeting and that feeling good now means inevitably facing greater challenges later.

This mindset reinforces a cycle of fear and suffering, where people avoid happiness because they are conditioned to believe that adversity is inevitable. As a result, there is a tendency to resist positive emotions and remain in a state of constant discomfort. This creates a paradox: we desire joy but are afraid of it, and the avoidance of joy often leads to greater emotional distress.

Emotional Comfort and the Human Need for Validation

Emotions play a significant role in our mental health, and how we respond to emotional discomfort can affect our ability to build healthy relationships. One key concept is emotional comfort—a state in which an individual feels understood, supported, and free from emotional violence or devaluation. The absence of emotional violence in a relationship fosters emotional safety, which is critical for personal growth.

However, many people find it difficult to express their emotions or seek emotional support, often because they have been taught to suppress these feelings. This is particularly evident in cultures where expressing vulnerability or asking for help is seen as a sign of weakness. In such environments, people may seek out suffering as a form of emotional validation, drawing attention to their pain to feel seen or understood.

When emotional support is lacking, individuals often engage in self-destructive behaviors, such as excessive complaining or exhibiting distress, in an attempt to gain sympathy or recognition. This cycle of suffering as a means of seeking attention or validation can prevent individuals from moving toward emotional healing.

The Consequences of Emotional Suppression

When people grow up in environments where their emotional needs are not met or are invalidated, they often experience difficulties in adulthood. This lack of emotional validation can lead to deep-seated insecurities, a reluctance to express emotions, and difficulty forming healthy, supportive relationships. As a result, these individuals may rely on suffering to get the emotional validation they crave.

In many societies, there is a stigma around showing vulnerability or asking for help. This creates a barrier to mental health care, as individuals may feel ashamed or embarrassed to admit they are struggling. Over time, this can lead to chronic emotional distress and hinder personal growth. Recognizing and addressing these patterns can be a crucial step in breaking the cycle of suffering and moving toward a healthier emotional state.

Moving Toward Emotional Health

To break the cycle of emotional suffering and begin the journey toward mental well-being, it is essential to embrace the concept of emotional comfort. This means acknowledging that it is okay to seek support, express emotions, and validate our own feelings. It also involves understanding that suffering is not a prerequisite for personal growth and that happiness can coexist with hardship.

Therapists and mental health professionals play a vital role in helping individuals understand and work through their emotional challenges. Therapy provides a safe space where people can explore their feelings without fear of judgment. Through this process, individuals can learn how to cope with stress and trauma, recognize the value of self-care, and ultimately develop healthier ways of relating to themselves and others.

Conclusion: Breaking Free from the Cycle of Suffering

The key to overcoming the fear of happiness and the need for suffering lies in recognizing the ingrained patterns within us. By understanding how historical, cultural, and familial factors contribute to our emotional responses, we can begin to shift our perspective and embrace a more balanced approach to life. This does not mean ignoring the challenges we face but rather acknowledging that we are worthy of happiness, peace, and emotional comfort.

Mental health is a journey, not a destination. It requires patience, self-compassion, and the willingness to break free from the patterns of emotional suppression and suffering. The path to healing involves not only addressing past trauma but also creating a future where emotional well-being is valued and prioritized.