When discussing romantic orientations, the conversation often centers on widely recognized categories such as heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual. However, there exists a nuanced orientation that has recently gained attention, known as cupiromanticism. This term describes individuals who experience little to no romantic attraction yet actively desire and pursue romantic relationships. Unlike conventional notions of romance, cupiromantic people do not rely on an overwhelming sense of romantic attachment to seek out relationships; instead, they value the intimacy, companionship, and commitment that a partnership can offer. This orientation falls within the broader aromantic spectrum, which includes people who have minimal or absent romantic attraction. In essence, a cupiromantic person may not feel the spontaneous romantic pull that others experience, but they still appreciate the benefits of close, committed relationships, often driven by aspirations such as building a family or finding a deep, enduring companionship.

Defining Cupiromanticism in Contemporary Terms

Cupiromanticism is a relatively new micro-label within the field of romantic orientation, emerging prominently in discussions during the 2010s. The term is derived from the Latin root “cupio,” meaning desire, combined with “romantic.” This combination highlights a paradoxical state: the desire for the ideals and social aspects of romance *without* the corresponding emotional experience of romantic attraction. Cupiromantic individuals may find the concept of romance appealing on an intellectual or aesthetic level. They often enjoy romantic media, literature, or cultural expressions of love, yet when it comes to their personal feelings, they do not experience the typical emotional highs and lows associated with romantic attachment. In many ways, cupiromanticism challenges the common belief that genuine romance requires an intense emotional connection. Instead, it suggests that the desire for structured, meaningful relationships can be independent of the inner experience of romantic feelings. *It's important to distinguish this from simply having a low libido or being aromantic but sexually active. Cupiromantics specifically desire a *romantic* relationship, not just a sexual one or a friendship.*

Self-Awareness and Expressing Your Needs

A key aspect of cupiromanticism is self-awareness. For those who identify with this orientation, understanding one’s own desires and boundaries is crucial. It is important to recognize that the absence of strong romantic feelings does not equate to a lack of interest in relationships. Instead, cupiromantic individuals may prioritize other aspects of a partnership, such as stability, mutual support, and shared life goals. Being clear about these preferences allows for honest communication with potential partners. When you understand your unique orientation, you can better articulate what you need from a relationship, whether that involves companionship, the opportunity for parenthood, or the fulfillment that comes from being in a committed partnership. Self-reflection and ongoing dialogue with partners help ensure that both parties share a clear understanding of what each expects from the relationship, fostering an environment of transparency and respect.

Navigating Relationships with a Cupiromantic Perspective

Relationships involving cupiromantic individuals can be both rewarding and challenging. Because society often equates romance with intense emotional attraction, cupiromantic partners may face misunderstandings or unmet expectations from those who assume that romance naturally entails overwhelming feelings. In these relationships, the focus shifts from conventional romantic gestures to a more pragmatic form of connection based on companionship, mutual interests, and shared values. Cupiromantic people may find that their relationships are strengthened by honest discussions about what romance means to them. Rather than conforming to traditional expectations, they create bonds that are rooted in mutual understanding and respect. Open communication about emotional needs and relationship goals becomes essential, as it helps prevent conflicts and clarifies that the desire for a relationship is based on factors other than the intensity of romantic emotion. *It is crucial for partners of cupiromantic individuals to understand and respect this difference, and not to interpret the lack of traditional romantic feelings as a lack of commitment or love (in whatever form that love takes for the cupiromantic person).*

Overcoming Stereotypes and Embracing Diverse Identities

Stereotypes and misconceptions about romance can create barriers for those who identify as cupiromantic. A common myth is that cupiromantic individuals are uninterested in intimacy or that their relationships are less meaningful. In reality, cupiromanticism is solely concerned with the absence of conventional romantic attraction; it does not affect a person’s ability to experience sexual attraction or to form deep emotional connections based on trust, respect, and shared life experiences. It is also important to recognize that, like all aspects of identity, romantic orientation is personal and multifaceted. Partners and communities benefit from an open dialogue that embraces diverse experiences of love. Promoting acceptance means understanding that every romantic story is unique, and there is no singular way to experience or define romance. Respecting cupiromantic identities enriches our understanding of the human experience and supports the mental health of individuals who feel different from mainstream romantic norms. *It is also crucial to recognize that cupiromanticism, like all romantic orientations, exists on a spectrum, and individual experiences may vary.*

The Importance of Self-Determination in Cupiromantic Relationships

For those who identify as cupiromantic, self-determination is a cornerstone of healthy relationships. Acknowledging and accepting your orientation allows you to navigate life with clarity and confidence. It is vital to regularly reflect on your feelings and to communicate openly with partners about what you need from a relationship. This process of self-determination empowers you to make choices that align with your values and desires, whether that means seeking companionship for practical reasons, aspiring to parenthood, or simply valuing the unique bond that comes from a committed partnership. Recognizing that your romantic orientation is a valid and integral part of who you are can lead to more authentic interactions and a deeper sense of fulfillment in your relationships.

Conclusion: Embracing Your Unique Romantic Identity

Cupiromanticism offers a fresh perspective on romance by illustrating that the desire for intimate, committed relationships does not always require the presence of strong romantic attraction. This orientation encourages a broader view of love and partnership, one that values companionship, stability, and shared life experiences. Whether you identify as cupiromantic or know someone who does, understanding this unique romantic orientation is essential for fostering respectful and meaningful relationships. Embracing your identity, communicating your needs clearly, and challenging conventional stereotypes can lead to a healthier, more inclusive view of romance—one that celebrates the diversity of human emotional experiences.

References:

• Diamond, L. M. (2008). Sexual Fluidity: Understanding Women’s Love and Desire. Harvard University Press.
• DeHaan, S., et al. (2013). Asexuality, Aromanticism, and the Spectrum of Romantic Orientations. Journal of Sex Research, 50(2-3), 192-210.
• Rosenthal, D. (2015). Understanding Aromanticism: A Spectrum of Romantic Attraction. Journal of LGBT Youth, 12(3), 165-178.
• Bogaert, A. F. (2012). *Understanding Asexuality*. Rowman & Littlefield Publishers.