After a breakup or a significant emotional loss, we often find ourselves stuck in a cycle of constant thoughts about the person who is no longer part of our lives. Whether it was a romantic partner, a close friend, or a loved one who passed away, the absence of someone who once played a key role in our emotional well-being can create a deep void. The mind struggles to accept the change, replaying memories and emotions associated with that person. The question arises: how can we let go of someone who still occupies our thoughts, especially when it feels impossible to move on?

Accept the Situation for What It Is

The first step in letting go of someone is to accept the situation. This can be difficult, especially when your mind refuses to let go, but it's crucial to acknowledge that the relationship, or the connection, has ended. Whether it's a breakup, a separation, or the death of a loved one, the fact remains that this person is no longer a part of your life *in the same way*. This realization, though painful, is the foundation for healing.

Psychologically, our minds are resistant to uncompleted experiences. According to the Zeigarnik effect, we tend to focus on unresolved situations. This is why, when a relationship ends without closure, we continue to ruminate on the person and the emotional connection, creating an ongoing cycle in our thoughts. Accepting that the relationship *has changed* is the first step to closing that chapter and reducing its emotional power over you. Once you can come to terms with the situation, your psyche will gradually begin to release its grip on the past.

Avoid Triggers That Keep You Connected

Our environment often holds subtle reminders of people we have lost. These triggers can come in the form of gifts, places, or even routines that remind us of the person. Every time you encounter these triggers, your mind is reactivated, and you find yourself thinking about them again.

For example, after the death of a pet or a breakup, certain objects like a gift from your ex or a spot where you spent time together may *evoke* strong emotions. To break free from these thoughts, it's helpful to physically remove these triggers from your daily life. When I lost a pet, for instance, I found it difficult to stay in my apartment because everything reminded me of him. I had to rearrange and remove items like his toys and the litter box. Similarly, after a breakup, it might help to temporarily put away or even get rid of objects that keep the person's memory alive. This simple act can help you create a space where your thoughts can begin to move away from the person and toward healing.

Take Care of Your Self-Esteem

One of the emotional consequences of losing someone important in our lives is a drop in self-esteem. Relationships often provide us with validation, and when we lose that validation, we may feel less worthy or unsure of ourselves. The emotional support and acknowledgment we get from close relationships contribute significantly to how we view ourselves. When those relationships end, the absence of that support can lead to feelings of inadequacy.

To counter this, it's essential to start building your self-esteem independently. Recognize your small achievements and give yourself credit for things you might overlook, like finishing a task, exercising, or simply getting through the day. Practice self-compassion and stop depending solely on others for validation. By developing a stronger sense of self-worth, you'll be less likely to hold onto thoughts of the person who is no longer in your life, and you'll begin to see yourself as valuable on your own.

The Importance of Emotional Closure

While it's common for people to experience emotional discomfort and longing after a breakup *or loss*, it's important to recognize that you're in a process of emotional adjustment. If your thoughts are constantly occupied with the person, it's a sign that your psyche has yet to close this chapter. This uncompleted emotional experience can be overwhelming and distressing, but recognizing this as part of the process can make it easier to deal with.

To facilitate emotional closure, allow yourself to grieve and feel the emotions that come with loss. Avoid repressing your feelings, as this will only prolong the emotional healing process. Talk to someone you trust, write about your feelings, or engage in activities that help you process the loss. This will allow your mind to move from focusing on the person to focusing on your healing and growth.

Create a New Emotional Foundation

As you work through the pain of loss, it's important to shift your emotional energy toward building a new foundation for your well-being. Establish new routines, try new activities, and invest in relationships that are nurturing and supportive. The absence of someone in your life can leave a void, but that void can be filled with new experiences that contribute to your emotional growth.

For instance, you could explore new hobbies, focus on personal goals, or surround yourself with people who care about you. Rebuilding your emotional foundation is a key part of letting go. Over time, your thoughts will no longer be consumed by the past, and you'll begin to feel more grounded and at peace with yourself.

Take Small, Steady Steps Toward Healing

Letting go of someone who was once a significant part of your life isn't something that happens overnight. It takes time, and the healing process is different for everyone. What's most important is taking small, consistent steps to move forward. You don't need to rush your emotional recovery—allow yourself the space to heal at your own pace.

Practice mindfulness, engage in self-care, and stay patient with yourself. The more you focus on building a fulfilling life without the person, the easier it will become to let go.

In Conclusion: Letting Go is a Process

Letting go of someone you've been emotionally connected to can feel like an overwhelming task. However, by taking steps such as accepting the situation, removing triggers, boosting your self-esteem, and creating emotional closure, you can begin the healing process. Emotional pain after a breakup or loss is natural, but with time and effort, you'll be able to free yourself from the constant thoughts of the person and move forward with your life. The journey toward emotional peace may take time, but it's entirely possible to overcome the pain and find strength within yourself again.

References:

• Zeigarnik, B. (1927). On Finished and Unfinished Tasks. The Journal of Psychology.
• Bowlby, J. (1982). Attachment and Loss: Vol. 1. Attachment. Basic Books.
• Neff, K. D. (2011). Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. William Morrow.