Let's talk about something that might hit close to home for some of us—love addiction. It's not about the butterflies you get when you're smitten with someone new. No, this is deeper, messier, and a whole lot trickier. Imagine being so hooked on someone that your whole world starts to revolve around them—not in a sweet, romantic way, but in a way that leaves you feeling lost without them. That's what we're digging into today. I'm going to walk you through what love addiction is, where it comes from, how to spot it, and most importantly, what you can do about it. So, grab a comfy seat, and let's chat!

What Exactly Is Love Addiction?

Picture this: you meet someone, and suddenly they're everything to you. You can't stop thinking about them, and being apart feels like a punch to the gut. That might sound like love at first, but love addiction takes it to a different level. It's when you rely on a romantic partner so much that it starts to mess with your life. We're talking about an intense, almost uncontrollable need for their attention and approval. It's not about enjoying their company—it's about feeling like you need them to survive emotionally.

This isn't the balanced, happy kind of love where both people feel secure. With love addiction, you might find yourself clinging to someone even when the relationship hurts you. It's a pattern where your happiness hinges on them, and that's where it gets tough. Psychologists often describe it as a behavioral dependency—kind of like how someone might lean too hard on a substance, but here, the fix is a person.

Where Does It Come From?

So why does this happen? Let's take a step back to childhood—yep, it often starts there. If you grew up with parents who weren't really "there" for you—maybe they were too busy, emotionally checked out, or dealing with their own struggles—you might have felt a little abandoned. Kids need love, care, and a sense of security to feel solid inside. When that's missing, it leaves a gap. Fast forward to adulthood, and that gap doesn't just disappear. Instead, you might find yourself looking for someone to fill it.

Here's the kicker: a lot of folks prone to love addiction end up with partners who are hard to pin down—think emotionally distant or avoidant types. It's almost like you're drawn to people who can't give you what you're chasing, which sounds frustrating, right? Psychologists say this might be your subconscious trying to redo those early experiences, hoping for a better ending this time. But too often, it just keeps the cycle going.

How Do You Know It's Love Addiction?

Okay, so how can you tell if you're caught in this? It's not always obvious, especially when you're in the thick of it. One big clue is how you feel when you're alone. Does being by yourself make you anxious or empty, like you're missing a piece of yourself? That's a red flag. Maybe you're always on the hunt for a new relationship because being single feels unbearable. Or perhaps you find yourself doing whatever it takes—flirting, chasing, anything—to keep someone interested.

Another sign is when your thoughts get stuck on your partner. They're not just on your mind—they take over your mind. Everything you do starts to revolve around them, and your mood swings with how they're acting. If they're happy, you're on cloud nine; if they're upset, you're a wreck. You might even stick around in a relationship that's clearly not working, promising yourself you'll leave but never quite doing it. Sound familiar? That's love addiction whispering in your ear.

Love vs. Addiction: What's the Difference?

Now, let's clear something up—love addiction isn't the same as real love. Healthy love feels good because it's a two-way street. You and your partner both have room to be yourselves, and no one's trying to run the show or give up everything to please the other. It's about supporting each other without losing who you are.

But with love addiction, it's more about escaping something inside yourself. Maybe you're trying to dodge feelings of loneliness or worthlessness, so you latch onto someone else to feel okay. It can go one of two ways: either you try to control them to keep them close, or you bend over backwards, ignoring your own needs to make them stay. Neither is love—it's more like a coping mechanism gone sideways. True love builds you up; addiction wears you down.

Breaking the Pattern: What Can You Do?

Here's the good news: you're not stuck. Recognizing that you might be dealing with love addiction is a huge first step—it's like flipping on a light in a dark room. From there, you've got options. One of the best places to start is with yourself. Ask: Why do I feel this way? What am I really looking for? Digging into those questions can help you see the bigger picture.

Talking to a therapist can make a world of difference too. They're trained to help you untangle these patterns and build new ones. Some folks find group therapy—like those 12-step programs inspired by recovery communities—really helpful because you're not alone in it. Others might try something creative, like psychodrama, where you act out your feelings to understand them better. It's all about finding what clicks for you.

On your own, you can start small. Focus on liking yourself a bit more—maybe pick up a hobby, set some goals, or just spend time doing things that make you happy without anyone else involved. Learning to enjoy your own company can take the pressure off needing someone else to "fix" you. And when it comes to relationships, practice setting limits. It's okay to say no or ask for what you need—that's how you build something healthier next time.

A Few Final Thoughts

Love addiction isn't about being weak or broken—it's about how humans sometimes try to heal old wounds in tricky ways. The cool thing is, once you see it for what it is, you've got the power to change it. It's not an overnight fix, but every step you take toward understanding yourself gets you closer to relationships that feel good, not just necessary. You deserve that, and it's totally within reach.

References

• Brodsky, A., & Peele, S. (1975). Love and addiction. Taplinger.
• Fromm, E. (1956). The art of loving. Harper & Row.
• Kernberg, O. F. (1995). Love relations: Normality and pathology. Yale University Press.
• Moskalenko, V. D. (2007). When love is too much: Prevention of love addiction. Piter.
• Linde, N. D. (2014). Emotional-figurative therapy: Theory and practice. Publishing house of the Institute of Psychotherapy.