The core of motherhood, regardless of your child's age, is a constant mission: to be a safe harbor for their emotions. It's about processing feelings, calming fears, and providing the unwavering security that allows a child to flourish into an emotionally healthy adult. No one else can fulfill this role quite like a mother can. Without this crucial support, children may struggle to develop healthy coping mechanisms, sometimes leading to maladaptive strategies like physical ailments, anxieties, or persistent life challenges.

We often describe someone who has received ample parental support as being remarkably resilient, seemingly unshaken by life's storms. Conversely, persistent complaints, illnesses, and struggles aren't necessarily a predetermined fate, but rather a plea for the equilibrium that wasn't established in childhood.

Everyone, at some point, needs external support. If it wasn't readily available from parents or partners, a therapist can temporarily step into that parental role, bridging the gap. In healthy, intimate relationships, this support should be reciprocal. Partners take turns offering a shoulder to lean on. You might initially support your partner through a difficult period, but when their resources are replenished, and yours are depleted, they, in turn, become your "parent" figure. Without this balance, the consistently supportive partner risks becoming a permanent parental figure, while the "child" in the relationship may exhibit childlike demands, resentment, and even sexual difficulties. The perception of the partner becomes skewed, with one feeling small and vulnerable, and the other strong and omnipotent.

The Mother's Role: A Container for Emotions

As a mother, your primary responsibility is to cultivate a space within yourself where your child can freely express their emotions. This requires that you are unafraid of those emotions, that you refrain from belittling or invalidating your child's feelings, and that you resist the urge to avoid responsibility by ignoring them. Critically, this space is *not* for you to unload your own emotional burdens onto your child.

This last point is paramount. Mothers sometimes inadvertently reverse roles, confusing "giving" support with "receiving" it. This often stems from the mother's own lack of parental emotional support during her childhood. She might share her own struggles with her children, cloaking it in a guise of "trust" and closeness. This, however, muddles the mother-child dynamic. If your child is constantly exposed to your problems and anxieties, will they have the capacity to manage their *own* feelings while also trying to help you? Will they be able to cope with their own helplessness in the face of your suffering? And *should* they have to? While no mother consciously wishes emotional burnout upon her child, children's inherent self-centeredness (a normal developmental stage) often leads them to interpret everything that happens to you as being either because of them or for them.

Navigating Emotional Discussions with Your Child

This doesn't mean you can't ever discuss your feelings with your child. It's crucial to address situations that directly impact both of you. For example, if you were both frightened by an event, you should calmly reassure your child that everything is now alright. Or, if your child wants to play after a long, tiring day, avoid launching into a detailed account of your difficult boss, unsupportive colleagues, or inconsiderate partner. Instead, say something like: "I'm very tired right now. It was a hard day. I need to rest for a little while, but after dinner, we can watch a cartoon or play together."

Maintaining the Parent-Child Boundary

Remember, you are the mother in this relationship. You are the container for your child's emotions, not the other way around. If you need to vent, reach out to your own mother, a friend, a sister, your partner, or a therapist. They are adults, equipped to handle your feelings. Alternatively, find healthy outlets like taking a walk, exercising, or engaging in spiritual practices – anything that allows you to release your emotions without burdening your child. Your child is still developing and lacks the capacity to process your emotional weight. But you can handle your child's emotions; it's your inherent responsibility.

References

• Winnicott, D. W. (1965). The Maturational Processes and the Facilitating Environment: Studies in the Theory of Emotional Development. International Universities Press.
  Summary relevant to the article: Winnicott's work emphasizes the crucial role of the "good enough mother" in providing a holding environment for the infant and child. This environment allows the child to develop a sense of self and to integrate their emotions. The book explores the impact of early maternal care on the child's emotional development, highlighting the importance of the mother's ability to meet the child's needs and to tolerate their feelings. Relevant pages include those discussing "Primary Maternal Preoccupation" and "The Theory of the Parent-Infant Relationship" (approximately pp. 37-55 and 56-65, though interwoven throughout).