How do we truly get to know who we are? Quiet thought offers some general ideas, and listening to others might reveal aspects of our abilities. But the deepest understanding, the kind that builds a life worth living, comes primarily through action. It emerges when we strive to do our duty, to engage with the tasks before us. As the philosopher Lao Tzu suggested, the path reveals itself when we attend to our affairs and move forward without undue lingering.

The Hesitation Habit: Why We Stay Stuck

Yet, this shift from understanding to doing is where many of us stumble. We might see the potential for a better future, recognize the path forward, but when the decisive moment arrives—demanding bold action or sustained effort—we often hesitate. We shrink from our duty, finding refuge behind a wall of excuses. We tell ourselves "tomorrow," but tomorrow frequently ends up looking just like today. The 19th-century philosopher Søren Kierkegaard observed this common human tendency toward inaction and stagnation.

Anxiety: Not Just a Feeling, But a Fork in the Road

Kierkegaard suggested that escaping a passive, mediocre existence requires willingly entering what he termed the "school of anxiety." According to him, anxiety possesses two faces. It has a dark, destructive side capable of undermining our lives. But it also holds a constructive potential, one that can guide us toward developing a greater sense of self. Which face anxiety shows us largely depends on how we choose to relate to it when it arises.

The Weight and Wonder of Human Possibility

To grasp anxiety's role in our development, we need to recognize our unique position. Unlike creatures governed purely by instinct, humans must navigate freedom. We possess imagination, allowing us to envision new possibilities and mentally explore where different paths might lead. Choosing among these possibilities and then taking action to make them real is fundamental to genuine growth and becoming who we truly are. Kierkegaard considered this "becoming oneself" to be the ultimate human task. As the existential psychologist Rollo May noted, our distinct human feature is this capacity to recognize and act upon possibilities. We are constantly drawn by what could be, turning potential into reality through creative effort. The core challenge, then, is deciding which possibilities to pursue.

Why Meaningful Growth Feels Uncomfortable

If our aim is a full life, one powerful approach is to orient ourselves toward self-realization – choosing opportunities that allow us to unfold our potential and express our abilities creatively. While some might advise following pleasure or finding a passion, Kierkegaard offered a different signpost: follow your anxiety. He saw anxiety as a critical "intermediate factor" between possibility and reality. In theory, moving from potential to actuality seems straightforward; in practice, it requires something more. That "something," Kierkegaard argued, is often anxiety. Every significant step toward self-realization tends to involve: imagining a possibility that could foster growth, experiencing the anxiety that naturally accompanies stepping into the unknown, and moving forward regardless. If the opportunities we pursue are consistently free from this feeling of unease, Rollo May suggested it might not indicate perfect mental health, but rather that we are not adequately challenging ourselves or stretching our potential. The capacity to tolerate anxiety, May believed, is crucial for self-actualization and engaging effectively with the world. True growth often occurs precisely when we push forward despite threats or uncertainty.

The Shrinking World of Comfort-Seeking

Unfortunately, many people don't use anxiety constructively. Instead, we often do everything possible to avoid feeling anxious. Some even try to convince themselves they don't desire a richer life, preferring the seeming safety of comfort, especially during uncertain times. But this view misses the bigger picture. By refusing opportunities that trigger anxiety, we make a short-sighted trade: we gain temporary comfort and avoid the immediate risk of failure, but we pay dearly. These fleeting benefits pale against the long-term suffering born from refusing to genuinely participate in our own becoming. Psychologist Alexander Lowen warned that when we sacrifice self-expression (a form of self-realization) for the sake of perceived survival, our very vitality is threatened—not from external forces, but from within. Denying self-expression stifles the life force; a life unexpressed isn't fully lived, leading toward a kind of internal stagnation. Carl Jung shared this view, suggesting that refusing to launch ourselves into life is akin to a "partial suicide"—we effectively kill off the aspects of ourselves striving for growth and a greater existence. Choosing comfort over growth leads us deeper into an ever-narrowing shell, which Lowen observed can eventually feel like a tomb. It's a tragic situation: remaining in the shell is a living death, while breaking out feels perilous.

The Hard Truth: You Are Your Own Rescuer

What distinguishes those who break free from this state from those who remain confined? First is the crucial recognition that action is possible despite anxiety. Countless individuals demonstrate this regularly. Believing we must eliminate anxiety before we act only breeds weakness, delay, and potentially unhealthy coping mechanisms. The second vital factor is accepting full personal responsibility. No one else can experience our anxiety for us, realize our potential for us, or save us. Psychotherapist Nathaniel Branden identified a pivotal moment for positive change in his clients: the profound realization that "No one is coming." No rescuer will appear to fix things, solve problems, or make life right. Waiting for a savior, however comforting the fantasy, leaves us passive. The belief that merely suffering enough will magically trigger a solution is a self-deception that costs us irretrievable days, months, and years, plunging us into an abyss of unrealized potential.

Tapping Into Your Untamed Energy

There's a final element that can be decisive in breaking free from passivity: harnessing the unrecognized parts of our being, the aspects drawn towards disorder, intensity, even destruction. Can we access what Carl Jung termed our "shadow"? We intuitively sense that wholeness requires acknowledging this "negative" side, just as a physical body casts a shadow. Denying it makes us less dimensional, flatter. Embracing our shadow involves acknowledging our instincts, that potent, sometimes unsettling dynamism within us. In moments of uncertainty, when faced with the choice between retreating to safety or pushing forward into risk, the impetus often comes not from rational calculation but from something deeper, more instinctive. This shadow energy can propel us to act even when reason advises caution. Sometimes, our instincts hold a wisdom our conscious minds lack. Life often requires disruption for new, more complex forms of organization to emerge; destruction can clear the path for creation. Saying "yes" to our shadow, the part of us that resonates with intensity and perhaps even chaos, might be exactly what's needed for those who have prioritized safety for too long, trapped in a small existence by refusing the bold risks that authentic living demands.

As the philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche put it, to live life to its highest potential and derive the greatest fulfillment, one must embrace living with courage, even in the face of perceived danger.

References

• Kierkegaard, S. (1980). The Concept of Anxiety: A Simple Psychologically Orienting Deliberation on the Dogmatic Issue of Hereditary Sin (R. Thomte & A. B. Anderson, Trans.). Princeton University Press.
  This foundational text explores anxiety not merely as a negative state but as intrinsically linked to human freedom, possibility, and the process of becoming an individual self. It delves into how confronting anxiety is essential for spiritual and psychological development, aligning with the article's core theme. (Relevant sections might be found throughout, particularly in discussions of freedom and possibility).
• May, R. (1977). The Meaning of Anxiety (Revised ed.). W. W. Norton & Company.
  May examines anxiety from psychological, philosophical, and cultural perspectives, arguing that while neurotic anxiety is crippling, normal anxiety is an unavoidable part of growth and creativity. He emphasizes that confronting anxiety constructively is necessary for self-realization and courageously engaging with life's challenges, supporting the article's points on using anxiety for development. (Chapters exploring normal vs. neurotic anxiety and anxiety's relation to selfhood are particularly pertinent, potentially Chapters 4-6, though this varies by edition).
• Jung, C. G. (1966). Two Essays on Analytical Psychology (Collected Works Vol. 7, R. F. C. Hull, Trans.). Princeton University Press.
  This volume contains key writings where Jung introduces and elaborates on the concept of the "shadow" – the unconscious, often repressed parts of the personality. Jung argues that integrating the shadow is essential for achieving psychological wholeness (individuation). This directly supports the article's final section on embracing the "unrecognized" side of oneself to break through stagnation. (Discussions on the Persona and the Shadow are central, often appearing in the early sections and specific chapters dedicated to the shadow archetype. Exact paragraph or page numbers vary significantly between printings).