There's a quiet struggle happening in many adults today. It's the feeling of being adrift, like standing on the shore, knowing vast oceans lie beyond, yet lacking the courage to sail away from the familiar. Decades ago, the Swiss psychologist Marie-Louise von Franz, a close colleague of Carl Jung, identified a growing pattern: individuals reaching physical adulthood while remaining psychologically adolescent. She termed this phenomenon the puer aeternus, Latin for "eternal child," borrowing a term from mythology but applying it to a modern psychological challenge.

The Eternal Child Among Us

The puer aeternus, or eternal youth, is essentially someone who holds onto the mindset and characteristics typical of adolescence well into their adult years. Think of the traits common around age 17 or 18 – the uncertainties, the resistance to responsibility, the quest for identity – but persisting long after that age. Often, this pattern is deeply connected to an unresolved, strong dependence on the mother figure.

Von Franz foresaw this becoming a widespread issue, a prediction that resonates powerfully today, particularly among men. Many find themselves grappling with challenges in education, relationships, finances, and finding a deeper purpose. It's not uncommon to see individuals in their 20s or 30s still living at home, hesitant to navigate the complexities of independence. Instead of forging their own path, the allure of familiar comforts – sometimes found in the virtual escapes of the internet, video games, or pornography – becomes a way to soothe the discomfort of stagnation. They may drift through life, prioritizing fleeting pleasure over meaningful goals, essentially becoming passive observers rather than active creators of their own lives. The pervasiveness of this issue suggests it's one of the significant underlying anxieties, or neuroses, of our time.

The Roots of Remaining Rooted: The Mother Complex

To understand the eternal child, we must look at the powerful dynamics formed in early life, particularly the connection with the mother. Historically and biologically, the maternal bond is incredibly intense. Mothers typically provide the most intimate early contact, care, and comfort. This profound relationship leaves a lasting emotional imprint, forming what psychologists call a "complex" – an emotionally charged cluster of ideas and experiences residing largely in the unconscious. The "mother complex" refers specifically to this internalized experience of the mother.

While vital for development, an overly strong or unresolved mother complex can hinder maturation. If this bond isn't balanced or eventually loosened to allow for independence, it can contribute significantly to the puer aeternus pattern.

The Missing Guide: The Father's Role

Traditionally, the father's role complemented the mother's. While mothers provided the foundational nurturing, fathers often acted as the bridge to the wider world. They provided resources and protection, but crucially, guidance. The father figure historically helped the child separate from the initial maternal dependence and step into society as a capable individual. He modeled how to navigate the world, how to work, how to face challenges – essentially, how to activate one's own assertive, independent capacities.

To embrace the challenges of adult life, a young person needs to believe there's something worthwhile out there to strive for. Seeing a father engage meaningfully with the world provides a vital example. It helps answer the inner questions: How do I exist out here? How do I build something? How do I stand on my own?

The Vanishing Threshold: Where Did Initiation Go?

Throughout history, many cultures recognized the difficulty of transitioning from childhood dependence to adult responsibility. They facilitated this passage through rites of initiation. As historian of religion Mircea Eliade detailed, these rituals, often intense and symbolic, served a critical purpose: separating the young person, particularly the male, from the primary dependence on the mother and marking their entry into the adult community.

These rites, usually conducted by elder men ("cultural fathers"), often involved symbolic acts of death and rebirth – leaving the childhood home, facing trials, learning the tribe's wisdom, and ultimately returning as a recognized adult. They forcefully conveyed the message: childhood is over; dependency is no longer acceptable.

Eliade noted that the disappearance of such initiation rituals is a key feature of the modern world. Without these cultural structures, the burden of initiation falls heavily on the individual family, primarily the personal father.

The Modern Dilemma: Fatherlessness and Its Echoes

Unfortunately, many fathers in contemporary society struggle to fulfill this initiatory role, often due to their own unresolved issues or simple absence, whether physical or emotional. Research, like that cited by psychotherapist Sam O'Sherson, has indicated that a surprisingly low percentage of men report having had a positive, guiding relationship with their fathers. Therapist James Hollis reflected on such findings, suggesting a "tragic violation" of a fundamental balance in human nature.

We live in an era marked by a sense of "fatherlessness." This absence creates a difficult vacuum. Young men are often expected to overcome their deep-seated maternal connection and build a life without adequate paternal guidance or example. Is it surprising, then, that the puer aeternus problem feels so relevant?

This lack of paternal presence can also intensify the mother's role in potentially unhelpful ways. A mother might become overly controlling to compensate for the missing masculine influence, or, feeling emotionally unfulfilled herself, might unconsciously draw too much emotional sustenance from her relationship with her child. This can create a dynamic where the mother, even with good intentions, subtly discourages the child's independence, fostering what Jungians sometimes call the "devouring mother" archetype – smothering care that prevents growth. The child, in turn, may find it difficult to resist this pull.

As Jung observed, an unspoken agreement can arise where both mother and child subtly collaborate in avoiding the demands of life. A child raised without sufficient opportunity to face challenges, make mistakes, stand up for themselves, and develop resilience will likely enter adulthood ill-equipped for its inevitable difficulties. The natural drive to adapt and individuate—to become a separate, whole person—gets overshadowed by the need to remain connected, either to the biological mother or to symbolic substitutes like dependencies or certain types of relationships.

This leads to what Jung called the "spirit of regression"—a pull away from life's challenges and back towards a state of dependency and unconsciousness, like wanting to return to the protected state of infancy. "He hopes to be caught, drawn in, enveloped, and devoured," Jung wrote of this state. "He seeks, as it were, the protecting, nourishing, charmed circle of the mother... the condition of the infant released from every care." Inevitably, engagement with reality fades. Understanding this complex web of psychological forces is the first step toward finding a path forward, toward encouraging the eternal child within to finally embrace the fullness of adult life.

References:

• Von Franz, Marie-Louise. The Problem of the Puer Aeternus. Inner City Books, 2000.
  This book is based on lectures von Franz gave in 1959. It provides the foundational analysis of the "eternal child" syndrome discussed in the article, exploring its psychological characteristics, connection to the mother complex, and societal implications. (The core concepts are woven throughout the book, particularly in the initial lectures/chapters).
• Eliade, Mircea. Rites and Symbols of Initiation: The Mysteries of Birth and Rebirth. Spring Publications, 1994. (Originally published 1958).
  Eliade's work offers a cross-cultural examination of initiation rituals, explaining their structure and profound psychological purpose in transitioning individuals, especially males, from adolescence to adulthood by separating them from childhood dependencies (particularly maternal) and integrating them into the social and cosmic order. (See Chapters like 'Initiation Mysteries in Primitive Religions' and 'Patterns of Initiation').
• Jung, C. G. Symbols of Transformation (Collected Works Vol. 5). Princeton University Press, 1967.
  While Jung discussed the mother complex and related archetypes in many works, this volume delves deeply into the unconscious processes, symbols (like the hero's struggle), and the tension between progression (facing life) and regression (longing for the maternal state) that are central to understanding the dynamics underlying the puer aeternus. (See Part II, Chapter V 'The Symbol of the Mother and of Rebirth' and Chapter VII 'The Battle for Deliverance from the Mother' for particularly relevant discussions).