It's a profound idea, echoed by thinkers across centuries: perhaps we should strive more to conquer ourselves rather than to bend fate to our will. The French philosopher René Descartes touched upon this, suggesting we change our desires rather than the world's order, accepting that only our thoughts are truly under our command. Anything beyond our efforts, he implied, might be considered impossible for us. This sentiment resonates deeply with the ancient wisdom of Stoicism. Like Descartes, the Stoics understood a fundamental truth: much human suffering isn't caused by external events, but by our reaction to them – our inability to manage our own thoughts. Yet, how many of us actively work to refine this inner world, to guide our internal dialogue? Often, when life gets tough, our gaze turns outward. We point fingers at others, societal problems, or a lack of status or wealth, seeking the cause of our discontent. While the outside world certainly presents challenges, it isn't the ultimate architect of our happiness or misery. We possess a unique human capacity: the power to forge joy or suffering from within, regardless of our surroundings. A single thought can twist a peaceful moment into a living hell, or conversely, allow us to find tranquility even amidst tragedy. Learning the latter is harder, which is why turning to the wisdom of figures like Epictetus, the Stoic philosopher who endured slavery, can be so enlightening. His teachings offer practical insights into breaking free from the self-imposed chains of painful thinking.

The Fork in the Road: Inner Focus or Outer Chase?

Epictetus presented a fundamental choice: should we strive to be consistently good or consistently bad? He urged us to cultivate either our inner capacity for reason or chase external things. We must commit, he suggested, to shaping our inner life or pursuing the outer – essentially, to live as a philosopher seeking wisdom or as an ordinary person focused on the external. In Epictetus's time, philosophy wasn't just abstract thought; it was a practical way of life. A philosopher was someone dedicated to mastering the art of living well. For Stoics, this meant mastering one's own mind. They believed a good life was far more likely for those who learned to direct their thinking, rather than for those pinning their contentment on achieving external markers like wealth or fame.

Understanding Your Sphere of Influence

Why did the Stoics emphasize the internal? Because they keenly recognized the limits of our control over external events. As Epictetus famously stated, some things are within our power, and some are not. Our thoughts, motivations, desires, and fears – these stem from us, these are where we are the primary actors. Our bodies, possessions, reputation, the actions of governments – these are largely outside our direct control; we are not the sole actors here. If we anchor our happiness to things we cannot fully control – wealth, appearance, social standing, even physical health – we set ourselves up for unnecessary pain. Chance, luck, or fate – whatever name you give it – plays a significant role in everyone's life. External advantages can be lost in an instant, or perhaps never attained at all. The point isn't to abandon all aspirations because some things are outside our influence. Rather, as Epictetus explained, we are troubled not by things themselves, but by our judgments about those things. And since our judgments are within our power, the quality of our lives rests significantly within our own hands.

Reclaiming Your Mental Space

But if years of negative thinking or unhelpful thought patterns have become ingrained, how do we begin to gain mastery over this inner dialogue? Epictetus advised starting small. After years of neglect, our inner faculties need strengthening, like muscles left unused. This strengthening can begin by practicing on minor daily irritations. Did someone spill a little oil? Was something minor stolen? Tell yourself, Epictetus suggested, "This is the price paid for peace of mind, for tranquility." Once we can maintain calm amidst small setbacks, Epictetus advised lessening our dependence on social approval. This is incredibly relevant today, when so many gauge their worth almost entirely by others' reactions. These individuals, as Epictetus might say, become slaves to external opinions, surrendering control over their own judgment and, consequently, their happiness. He posed a sharp question: You would be outraged if someone random took control of your body, yet you readily entrust your mind and peace to anyone whose opinion might shake you – aren't you ashamed by this?

Embracing Life's Dice Throw

By minimizing our need for external validation and regaining control over our inner life, Epictetus believed we should then cultivate acceptance for things we cannot change. He likened life to a game of dice. The circumstances we face at any moment are like the dice already thrown – they cannot be changed and must be accepted. However, how we respond, how we play the hand we're dealt, that is up to us. Most people, Epictetus observed, struggle to accept the conditions they face, the cards they've been dealt. This resistance, he felt, stemmed from weak inner control. While they readily accept good fortune, they try to deny or flee from problems and difficulties. If we choose the philosopher's path, however, we can learn to see challenges not as mere misfortunes, but as opportunities to forge our inner resolve. Circumstances reveal the person. As Epictetus put it, when faced with a tough situation, remember that a divine force, like a wrestling coach, has matched you against a challenging opponent. Why? So you might become an Olympic champion – and victory doesn't come without effort.

Don't Wait for Tomorrow

Hearing this wisdom, many might feel a temporary burst of inspiration, realizing there are more fulfilling ways to exist. But too often, fear or inertia takes over. Instead of taking steps towards change, many stay put, telling themselves, "Tomorrow, I'll start." Sadly, for many, that tomorrow never arrives. Eventually, a time comes – sometimes sooner than expected – when there is no tomorrow left, or at least not enough to make up for the vast time wasted. Epictetus warned against this complacency: "If you postpone mindfulness and become lax, constantly delaying and setting new deadlines for attending to yourself, you will unknowingly fail to improve and will live and die in a state of mediocrity... From this moment, resolve to live as a mature person who is making progress. Let everything that appears best be your inviolable law. And if you encounter anything laborious or pleasant, glorious or infamous, remember that the contest is now... It cannot be postponed. Progress is won or lost in a single day."

References:

• Epictetus. Enchiridion (or Handbook).
  This concise work distills Epictetus's core practical teachings. It directly addresses the fundamental Stoic principle of distinguishing what is within our control (our judgments, desires, aversions) from what is not (external events, body, reputation) (See Section 1). It emphasizes that disturbances arise from our judgments about events, not the events themselves (See Section 5), advises starting with small things to build inner resilience (See Section 30), and warns against seeking external validation or entrusting our peace of mind to others' opinions (See Section 33). The call to live virtuously now is echoed in the final sections (e.g., Section 51).
• Epictetus. Discourses.
  These are more extensive records of Epictetus's teachings, offering deeper exploration of the themes in the Enchiridion. They contain many of the vivid analogies used to illustrate Stoic principles, such as viewing challenges as a wrestler's training provided by a divine coach to build strength (found in discussions like Book 1, Chapter 24). The Discourses provide context and elaboration on accepting fate, focusing on virtuous action, and rigorously examining one's own judgments and reactions.
• Descartes, René. Discourse on Method.
  Part 3 of this seminal work outlines Descartes' provisional moral code adopted while he undertook his philosophical investigations. The first maxim discussed is highly relevant to the article's opening: to obey the laws and customs of his country, but more pertinently for the article's theme, the third maxim involves resolving "to conquer myself rather than fortune, and change my desires rather than the order of the world, and generally accustom myself to thinking that there is nothing entirely in our power except our thoughts." This directly mirrors the Stoic emphasis on internal control over external circumstances.