It’s a curious thing, money. For many, financial success remains just out of reach, not due to a lack of effort or knowledge, but because of deeply ingrained psychological patterns, sometimes called money disorders. You might think, "Disorder? Not me." Yet, these financial psychologies often operate beneath our conscious awareness, rooted in experiences from our earliest years. No matter how many financial guides you read, videos you watch, or budgets you create, if these underlying attitudes persist, they can silently sabotage your best efforts. These patterns aren't a life sentence, but they do require a deeper level of understanding and intentional work to reshape. If you feel like you're perpetually wrestling with financial challenges, know that it’s not a personal failing or a stroke of bad luck. Often, it's the echo of past emotional experiences playing out in your financial life.

Unmasking Common Financial Dysfunctions

Understanding these patterns is the first step toward change. Here are twelve common types of challenging financial behaviors that can poison our lives and our relationship with money:

1. The Compulsive Financial Helper

Do you feel an overwhelming urge to assist others financially, offering money or gifts even when unsolicited? This pattern often stems from a mistaken belief that love and financial support are interchangeable. While generosity is a virtue, this type of helping can lead to others taking advantage of your kindness, and it becomes difficult to say "no." You might even sacrifice your own financial stability to support others. This is often seen in parents who endlessly support adult children capable of supporting themselves, inadvertently fostering a toxic codependency where the child's self-esteem and decision-making abilities suffer.

2. The Shadow of Financial Betrayal

"What I earn and spend is my business." This sentiment can be a hallmark of financial betrayal. Individuals might hide accounts, lie about the cost of purchases, take out secret loans, or invest money without their partner's knowledge. This secrecy isn't limited to spouses; it can occur between parents and children or business partners. When one party deliberately conceals or misrepresents their financial reality, it's a profound breach of trust. For instance, Steve, knowing his wife disapproved of credit cards, secretly obtained one in a friend's name. When the truth inevitably surfaced through a statement, the discovery led to an immediate breakdown of trust and their marriage.

3. The Tangled Web of Financial Incest

This disturbing pattern involves using money to manipulate or humiliate a child to serve an adult's needs. An adult might ask a child to lie about a purchase price or keep financial secrets, exploiting the child for their own gain. A parent might also pressure a child into unwise purchases, then shift the blame onto the child. Consider Kristan, whose mother bought her a horse against her father's wishes. Kristan was forced to keep this a secret for years. The burden of this secret created immense family tension, and when she accidentally revealed it, her mother was deeply upset, blaming Kristan for not maintaining the deception.

4. The Grip of Financial Codependency

A person experiencing financial codependency relies entirely on others for financial support, even if they are capable of working. Historically, this was more common for women who were kept unaware of family finances. Today, it can manifest as young adults choosing to remain dependent on their parents despite being able to earn their own living. Molly's father, for example, insisted that no woman in their family should work, ensuring his daughter remained financially naive and dependent. Molly internalized the idea that financial dependence equated to being loved, leading to constant dissatisfaction in her marriage, as no amount of attention or gifts from her husband felt like enough.

5. The Relentless Drive of Workaholism

Workaholics are so consumed by their jobs that other vital areas of their lives are neglected. They find it impossible to relax, sleep properly, or enjoy time off with family; even on vacation, work calls. This is often fueled by the misconception that more money or more work directly translates to more happiness. Instead, it commonly leads to burnout, irritability, low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression. Alice, having witnessed her father's financial struggles after a job loss, resolved never to experience such hardship. She became a workaholic, juggling three jobs and dedicating 60 hours a week, leaving no room for friends, hobbies, or joy, all in pursuit of her rigid idea of success, eventually leading to health and mental issues.

6. The Allure of Spending Addiction

For those with a spending addiction, comfort and security are found only in the act of spending money, either on themselves or others. They operate under the fear that if they don’t spend, something terrible will occur – for instance, believing they'll be fired if they don't buy a new suit, despite having perfectly good ones. Such individuals easily fall into debt, feeling a sense of belonging to a community of spenders, a connection they try to maintain through constant purchasing. Stephanie’s boyfriend, after inheriting a fortune, showed no interest in prudent investment, an attitude Stephanie embraced as it meant her spending could be limitless. This fostered a dangerous illusion that money would always be available, leading her to save nothing.

7. The Weight of Hoarding

Hoarding involves saving to an extreme degree and accumulating items that most would consider junk—from used cardboard tubes to empty containers. To the hoarder, these items are not trash but essential for their inner peace and security. This disorder can severely restrict daily life, and in severe cases, the hoarded environment becomes hazardous. Hoarding behavior was historically common during times of scarcity, like wars. However, internal conflicts, depression, and psychological trauma can also trigger it. Bridget began hoarding in childhood. Though she had a loving adoptive family and grew up in comfort, her earlier years in various foster homes left a deep scar of insecurity. Every bit of money she received was hidden away; she skipped school lunches and always asked for money for holidays, which she also stashed, yet even substantial savings never brought her a true sense of security.

8. The Gamble of Reckless Financial Adventures

These individuals are drawn to risky ventures like a moth to a flame. They might invest in highly speculative schemes or bet all their money on a whim, often spending money they haven't even received yet by taking out loans. Gambling addiction is the most perilous form of this disorder. Stewart consistently had his father bail him out of financial trouble. This created a false sense that he could always escape consequences. After an initial large win from a risky investment, Stewart became convinced of his perpetual luck and descended into gambling, losing everything, including his marriage, yet still believing he could win it all back.

9. The Paralysis of Risk Intolerance

In stark contrast to reckless adventurers, these individuals are terrified of any financial risk. They prioritize safety above all else, rarely stepping outside their comfort zone. The mere thought of risking their savings is deeply unsettling. Even if they have a viable business idea and the means to pursue it, this fear holds them back, preferring the security of an unfulfilling job. Sammy, for instance, is so fearful of being sued by clients that she drastically undercuts her service prices. Her rationale is that lower prices mean lower expectations, thus reducing the likelihood of a lawsuit.

10. The Peril of Ignoring Money

People with this tendency try to avoid acknowledging money in any capacity. Their philosophy is "out of sight, out of mind." They are indifferent to their account balances, income, or expenses, and discussions about money are taboo. This avoidance, however, leads to the opposite of relief: financial problems inevitably mount. The stronger the urge to shed financial responsibility, the heavier that responsibility becomes. Alison’s mother frequently lamented their lack of money but would then go on impulsive spending sprees, worsening their situation. Alison concluded that money was a source of conflict and adopted a strategy of rejection, ignoring all money-related matters. This carried into adulthood, where she professed no interest in money, aiming only to "make ends meet," never saving and spending her salary quickly because money made her anxious.

11. The Burden of Money Rejection

Individuals with this disorder believe they don't deserve money, or it triggers painful memories. They may see money as inherently evil and wealthy people as inherently corrupt. Some deliberately accept very low pay for their work, arguing that money will be wasted or used for ill purposes. When Margaret inherited her father's fortune and a successful business, she couldn't bring herself to accept it. She continued her modest life, ignoring calls from lawyers and company meetings, acting as if the inheritance didn't exist. To her, using it felt like rejoicing in her father’s death. Only when less scrupulous relatives began plotting to seize the inheritance did Margaret realize who the true scoundrels were, prompting her to seek help and defend her legacy.

12. The Paradox of Excessive Thriftiness

Saving money is generally wise, but not when it means living in deprivation despite having a healthy bank balance. This is the crux of the issue for those with excessive thriftiness. They might earn well but live in squalor, wear tattered clothes, never take vacations, and deny themselves basic comforts. They often feel ashamed to discuss their finances and are plagued by a sense that they are unworthy of their money. Glenna grew up in a small town where her family's wealth was common knowledge. She constantly heard comments about it, which she perceived as threatening. Consequently, she developed a conviction that no one should know about her wealth, leading her to live a very simple life, careful never to stand out for fear of judgment, hatred, or robbery – believing that if such a thing happened, it would be her fault for "luring" the culprits.

It's not uncommon for an individual to exhibit traits from several of these patterns. For example, Kristan’s situation involved both financial betrayal (her mother's demand for secrecy about the horse) and financial incest (using the child to manage an adult's conflict). These financial dysfunctions can truly poison life as a whole.

Digging Deeper: Understanding Your Financial Blueprint

The first step to breaking free from destructive financial patterns is to recognize them. It's crucial to examine your attitudes toward money, tracing them back to their origins, often in childhood, and to understand the "money script" you are living by. What deep-seated beliefs and attitudes compel you to interact with money in a specific way? When you unearth these core beliefs, they might seem illogical or even absurd in the clear light of adulthood, yet these are the very notions that have been steering your financial ship.

Consider this: a little girl received a small allowance from her father, who advised her to spend half and save half. Month after month, she did so, accumulating a respectable sum. One day, at the bank, a teller informed her the account was frozen and empty. Rushing home in tears, she told her father, who replied, "Yes, I took it. It was my money, after all." What enduring lesson about money do you think this young girl absorbed? Perhaps she concluded that saving is pointless, as someone will inevitably come along and take her efforts away, just as her father did. As an adult, she might struggle to save, her subconscious script whispering: "Saving is futile; my money will be taken from me." Without connecting this childhood trauma to her present financial difficulties, she might blame herself, viewing her actions as mere irresponsibility or a lack of discipline.

Other common money scripts include:

• "The best way to show love or gratitude is with expensive gifts or money."
• "We must help and provide for those we love."
• "If we care for our children now, they will care for us in our old age."
• "It's shameful to have so much when loved ones are struggling."
• "Poor people are more virtuous than rich people."
• "More money equals more happiness."

Reflect on your own beliefs. What messages about money were instilled in you during your formative years? Whose voice is behind these attitudes? Are these beliefs truly yours, and do they serve you now? Perhaps your financial script was shaped by a challenging experience in adulthood. How were you taught to handle money, and how has that influenced your current financial behavior? Are you perhaps mimicking those early lessons, or consciously doing the exact opposite? Analyzing these beliefs is key to discarding those that poison your life and cultivating those that foster well-being. Often, the most effective approach is to find a balanced perspective. Instead of swinging between "money isn't important" and "money is everything," one might adopt a view like, "Money is important, but my health and relationships are more important."

Forging a New Path: Cultivating Financial Well-being

It takes time for new mindsets to replace old, deeply ingrained ones. This isn't a quick fix; these old scripts have been running in your mind for years. But the empowering truth is, you have a choice.

The Power of Awareness

The second step is to engage your rational mind. Logical thinking needs to be consciously activated. Money problems can be deeply distressing, often insidiously undermining your life without your full awareness. We unconsciously rationalize toxic beliefs, making them seem perfectly reasonable. This happens because, in essence, we operate with two "minds": an instinctual, emotional mind (sometimes called the "animal mind") and a rational mind. The emotional mind governs basic needs and reactions: hunger leads to eating; anger leads to fight, flight, or freeze. These are automatic responses. What distinguishes us is our rational mind, which helps us analyze information, weigh options, and choose the most constructive path, much like a scientist.

Harnessing Your Rational Mind

The challenge is that when we are frightened or stressed, our emotional mind often takes over. Fear triggers automatic reactions, and our rational mind can seem to shrink into a corner, watching as impulsive behaviors take control. This is when you might go on a spending spree with your last funds, gamble away your salary, or work 60 hours a week, unable to explain why. Attempts to rationalize such behavior afterward are often futile. The emotional mind isn't trying to harm you; its primary aim is to protect you from perceived danger, often by seeking immediate, albeit fleeting, pleasure. However, this pursuit of instant gratification frequently results in pain for the rational, long-term thinking person.

The good news is that you can learn to consciously call upon your rational mind, even when the emotional side is activated. Emergency responders are trained to do this; if they succumbed to instinct, none could enter a burning building. It requires training to step back from primitive instincts and engage rational thought. There are several ways to cultivate this:

1. Meditation: Regular meditation practice helps you observe your thoughts without judgment and let them go. It genuinely helps to tame the inner turmoil. The more you practice, the more rationally you're likely to act in stressful situations. This skill is invaluable in all areas of life.
2. Self-Knowledge: Learn to recognize the physical signs of your stress response. There's often a gap, however brief, between a stressful trigger and your reaction. In these few seconds, you can choose whether to lose control or to compose yourself. As you feel danger or a problematic impulse arising, you can consciously choose to rationalize and act wisely, rather than react instinctively.
   Consider Bella, who, feeling an urge, rushed out to a mall for a shopping spree she later regretted, surrounded by unnecessary items and an empty bank account. Self-blame is unhelpful. Promising "never again" rarely works long-term. Instead, she needs to rationally examine what she intended to buy, if she truly needed it, and what thoughts and feelings preceded the urge. By finding the connection between her automatic reaction and her emotions, she can better track the emergence of impulsive thoughts and replace them with rational ones. Next time the urge strikes, she can pause, focus on her breath, count to ten, and ask, "Do I really need this? Might I regret it? I'll wait a couple of days, and if I still need it then, I'll consider buying it." The key is to anticipate triggering situations, atmospheres, or emotions and arm yourself with tools to resist them.
3. Embracing Change (Facing Fear): Changing deeply ingrained behaviors is inherently difficult. If you've worked 60 hours a week for a decade, the prospect of a vacation can feel more stressful than your usual overwork. Your emotional mind will conjure a thousand excuses to revert to the familiar routine, to stay within its comfort zone. The path forward is to look fear directly in the eye. You don't have to do this alone. Talk to family, friends, or a partner. Share your feelings and ask for their support. If you suspect you have significant financial issues, professional guidance from a financial therapist or psychologist could be beneficial.

A Final Thought

No habit disappears overnight. It requires persistent, daily effort. If you've been operating under a certain script for many years, don't expect to rewrite it in an evening. This isn't a condemnation; it's an invitation to engage in meaningful work on yourself. Reflect on why you've acted in certain ways and what changes are needed to establish new, healthier habits. Don't aim for perfection—it's an elusive goal. Instead, strive for personal progress. Compare yourself not to others, but to who you were yesterday. Every small step towards understanding and reshaping your financial psychology is a step towards a more empowered and fulfilling life.

Please remember that articles like this offer information and perspectives but cannot substitute for professional psychological or financial advice if you are facing significant challenges.

References

• Klontz, B., & Klontz, T. (2009). Mind Over Money: Overcoming the Money Disorders That Threaten Our Financial Health. Broadway Books.

  This book is a foundational text for the concepts discussed in the article. It comprehensively details various "money disorders" or dysfunctional financial behaviors, similar to the 12 outlined (such as financial enabling/helping, financial denial/ignoring money, workaholism, compulsive shopping/spending addiction, financial infidelity/betrayal, hoarding, and others). The authors, a father-son team of financial psychologists, explore the origins of these behaviors, often tracing them to childhood experiences and ingrained "money scripts," and offer pathways to healing and healthier financial lives. The entire book serves as a resource for understanding these patterns.

• Kahneman, D. (2011). Thinking, Fast and Slow. Farrar, Straus and Giroux.

  This seminal work by Nobel laureate Daniel Kahneman delves into the two systems of thought that drive the way we think: System 1 (fast, intuitive, and emotional – akin to the "animal mind" mentioned) and System 2 (slower, more deliberative, and more logical – akin to the "rational mind"). The book explains how reliance on System 1 can lead to biases and errors in judgment, including financial decisions. Understanding these cognitive biases is crucial for developing the self-awareness needed to engage the "rational mind" more effectively, a key theme in overcoming problematic money behaviors. Chapters discussing heuristics and biases (e.g., Part II: Heuristics and Biases) are particularly relevant to understanding impulsive financial actions.

• Housel, M. (2020). The Psychology of Money: Timeless lessons on wealth, greed, and happiness. Harriman House.

  Housel's book explores the idea that financial success is less about what you know and more about how you behave. It emphasizes that personal history, unique worldviews, ego, pride, marketing, and odd incentives often play a more significant role in financial decision-making than spreadsheets or formulas. Many chapters align with the article's themes by illustrating how deeply personal and often irrational our relationship with money can be (e.g., Chapter 1: "No One's Crazy," Chapter 3: "Never Enough," Chapter 10: "Save Money"). It reinforces the idea that understanding one's own psychology is paramount to managing money well.