Ever been told not to think about a pink elephant? Suddenly, there it is, parading through your mind, impossible to ignore. The more you try to shoo it away, the more stubbornly it stays. This mental quirk isn't just about imaginary elephants; it's a powerful metaphor for how we often handle dissatisfaction in our lives. That nagging feeling – sadness, stress, anger, or just plain boredom – can become our own personal pink elephant. The curious thing is, the harder we try to stop feeling dissatisfied, the more that dissatisfaction seems to grow. Could it be that our very quest for happiness is what paradoxically keeps it at bay? This brings us to a fascinating concept: the law of reverse effort.

The Strange Case of the Reverse Law: When Less Effort Yields More

The law of reverse effort, sometimes called the "backwards law," suggests a counterintuitive truth: the more intensely we chase something, particularly internal states like happiness, the more likely we are to experience the opposite. Simply put, pushing too hard can sabotage your success. Conversely, sometimes letting go of the struggle, ceasing the relentless effort, is precisely when we achieve what we desire.

Think back to the pink elephant. If we want to clear our minds of it, the solution isn't to wage war against the thought. Instead, we allow our urge to banish it to simply fade. We leave the elephant alone, and eventually, it wanders off by itself. But how does this apply to the deeper dissatisfactions of life? How do we get what we truly want by not actively trying to seize it? It’s a notion that can feel absurd, especially when we’re conditioned to believe that effort equals results. Willpower is undeniably effective for many external goals – if you want to build wealth or complete a physical challenge like a marathon, focused effort is usually essential. The reverse law, however, speaks to something deeper, something beyond these tangible achievements. It hints at the path to what we are all, in one way or another, seeking.

Beyond Tangible Goals: What Is It We Truly Crave?

So, what is this "real treasure" the reverse law points towards? We often pin our hopes on things like riches, love, strong friendships, or a long, healthy life. While these are certainly enjoyable, the reverse law implies they might be beautiful distractions, things we think will lead us to our ultimate desire. Yet, the more ardently we pursue these external markers, the further we might drift from what we genuinely yearn for.

What is it, then, that we truly want? Many would say: happiness. But what is happiness? Is it a destination we reach through acquiring love or material possessions? The philosopher Alan Watts offered a profound perspective: perhaps we don't know what we truly want for two reasons. Firstly, we might already possess it. Secondly, we may not fully know ourselves because, like a knife that cannot cut itself or a light that cannot illuminate itself, the fundamental essence of being doesn't observe itself in that way. Could it be that the object of our search is obscured by the very act of searching? Are we chasing something we can't even define?

The Dissatisfaction Dilemma: Chasing an Ever-Moving Target

We often operate under a collective assumption that external changes—more money, a better body, a different environment—will liberate us from feelings of lack. The reverse law, however, suggests the opposite is true. We feel a sense of lack primarily because we are dissatisfied with our present circumstances. The more intense this dissatisfaction, the more we suffer. The more external changes we believe we need to feel content, the less content we become.

Imagine setting a goal to become a millionaire, firmly believing this will bring you happiness. Such a goal not only demands immense effort but also means that every day you are not a millionaire, you might feel a pang of unhappiness, a sense of how far you are from your desired state. As author Mark Manson noted, striving for something often highlights what you lack. The more desperately you want to be rich, the poorer and less worthy you might feel, regardless of your actual bank balance. If you continually raise the bar for what you need to be happy, that feeling of inadequacy can intensify. Conversely, if you were to lower that bar, making the goal feel closer to your current reality, the sense of inadequacy might lessen, potentially increasing your present happiness. Yet, we often set our sights on lofty, distant goals, embedding a deep and persistent feeling of not-enoughness.

The Will to Live and the Endless Pursuit

This human tendency to endlessly chase "more," as if scratching an itch while simultaneously inflaming it with the desire itself, can seem irrational. The German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer explored this very idea. He proposed that our desires stem from what he termed the "will to live"—an inherent, often irrational, and ceaseless striving that is a fundamental aspect of existence. Schopenhauer saw this will as a blind, aimless force that keeps us in a state of suffering because it can never be truly or permanently satisfied. This is why we often pathologically want more than we need, driven by an underlying feeling that something is missing from the present moment, though we can't quite pinpoint what. We try to escape our current situation for something seemingly better, only to find the same underlying dissatisfaction follows us. Schopenhauer observed, "Every acute pleasure is a mistake and an illusion, for no desire that is fulfilled gives lasting satisfaction."

According to Schopenhauer, this relentless will is the engine of our searching, but paradoxically, it's also what keeps us from true contentment. His rather stark conclusion was that the only path to genuine satisfaction lies in the quieting or denial of this will, leading to a state of calm, free from the endless cycle of desire. In other words, stop grasping for it, and you might just find you have it. As ancient wisdom often suggests: when one doesn't hoard, one possesses abundance. When one seems solitary, one might be deeply connected. Action becomes unhurried, and nothing is wasted. By doing nothing in this grasping sense, one finds completeness even in imperfection.

The Power of Acceptance: Floating Instead of Fighting

"Accept imperfection and you will feel perfect," the saying goes. "Strive for perfection and you are not perfect." Try not to be lonely, and loneliness stings more when you are by yourself. Accepting negative experiences, paradoxically, can be a positive experience. Fighting against them often means you suffer twice – once from the experience itself, and again from your resistance to it.

Alan Watts used vivid analogies: try to stay afloat by desperately thrashing, and you sink; try to drown, and you find yourself floating. Try to force yourself to sleep, and your very effort keeps you awake; only when you stop trying do you drift off. Hold your breath, and you lose it; let go, and breathing continues effortlessly.

When we cease the frantic chase for happiness, we may discover an ability to achieve it because we realize we don't inherently need anything more than what we currently have. When we stop chasing wealth as the ultimate goal, we can experience abundance, content with what is, and viewing anything beyond that as a welcome bonus. Thus, a profound way to get what you want is to release the intense wanting of it. This is the core teaching of the reverse law.

Letting the Mud Settle: Finding Clarity in Stillness

There's a classic Zen story that beautifully illustrates this. Imagine a pond with muddy water. We want to see the bottom clearly. We could stir the water more, or try to manually scoop out the mud, but these efforts would likely make it worse. The only way to truly see the bottom is to do nothing – to leave the water undisturbed, allowing the mud to naturally settle. In this metaphor, the mud represents our churning desires, obsessive thoughts, and constant dissatisfaction. Our frantic stirring and attempts to remove the mud symbolize our relentless pursuit of happiness through external means. True clarity and satisfaction – seeing the bottom – only arise when we allow the mental waters to become still, letting the turbulence settle on its own.

So, the invitation is to "stop trying to get it," and you might find you already have it, or that it arrives unexpectedly. Understanding the reverse law doesn't mean abandoning all goals, ambitions, or efforts to change our circumstances when needed. There are countless valid reasons to seek improvement and not passively accept every status quo. However, this principle teaches us not to be ensnared by the illusion that the direct pursuit of happiness will inevitably lead to happiness. Often, the contrary is true. With this understanding, we can more frequently access that peaceful state of "not wanting," of simply being. For, as Alan Watts reminded us, "the mystery of life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced."

References:

• Watts, Alan W. (1951). The Wisdom of Insecurity: A Message for an Age of Anxiety. Pantheon Books.

  This book explores the core theme of the article: the idea that our relentless search for security and happiness is precisely what prevents us from experiencing them. Watts argues that true security is found not in certainty or possessions, but in embracing insecurity and the present moment. He discusses how the desire for a fixed, happy self is a futile chase, aligning with the "reverse law" concept (e.g., see chapters like "The Fine Art of Not Knowing" and "The Marvel of The Present Moment").

• Schopenhauer, Arthur. (1818/1844). The World as Will and Representation (Vol. 1, E. F. J. Payne, Trans.). Dover Publications (1969 edition used for reference).

  Particularly relevant is Book IV: "The Assertion and Denial of the Will to Live, after Attainment of Self-Knowledge." Schopenhauer elaborates on the concept of the "will" as an insatiable, blind striving that is the root of all suffering (e.g., §57 discusses the vanity and suffering of life stemming from the will). His notion that true peace comes from the denial or quieting of this will (e.g., §68 on the denial of the will) directly supports the article's points about ceasing striving to find contentment.

• Manson, Mark. (2016). The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life. HarperOne.

  Manson popularizes a concept he calls the "backwards law" (Chapter 1, "Don't Try"). He states, "The desire for more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself a positive experience." This directly echoes the article's arguments about how striving for something can emphasize its lack and how accepting negative experiences can be beneficial.