In a world brimming with constant noise and ceaseless communication, the idea of silence can be unsettling, even profound. It’s a theme that resonates deeply, perhaps because it forces us to confront what lies within. Consider the portrayal of silence in films like Drive, where the stoic protagonist's sparse words and the ensuing quiet often leave viewers in a state of heightened tension. This highlights how silence, frequently perceived as a void, can actually be a space for profound inner connection.

The Discomfort of the Unspoken

A common societal unease with quiet often surfaces in our interactions. We've all encountered or perhaps even experienced the anxiety that can arise from another's silence – the worried spouse wondering about a quiet partner's thoughts, imagining scenarios from deep resentment to impending separation, while the partner might simply be pondering everyday concerns. For many, silence isn't an opportunity for introspection but is experienced as a form of isolation or suffering. The long pauses in conversations, such as those strikingly portrayed in the film Drive, can make us squirm. The main character, a rather quiet man who speaks very little, and the deliberate pauses in character interactions can cause a palpable discomfort, making one almost want to speak for them to anxiously fill the void. If we stop ourselves and allow these arising feelings to manifest, we might touch upon embarrassment, fear, or other complex emotions.

Beyond the Noise: Silence as a Mirror to the Self

Yet, if we resist that urge to fill the quiet, if we allow the feelings that surface to simply be, we can encounter a spectrum of emotions: embarrassment, fear, excitement, pleasure, shame. This deliberate engagement with silence can become a form of self-therapy, allowing us to experience feelings we might otherwise suppress. This isn't a new concept. In many religious traditions, a vow of silence is a tool to detach from the mundane world and connect with something deeper within – a sense of the divine, or the core of one's own being.

Psychotherapy, too, recognizes the power of interrupting constant verbal flow. A therapist might gently guide an incessantly talking client to 'slow down,' 'stop,' or 'stay with that feeling.' This technique aims to help the client move past what is known in some therapeutic approaches as 'deflection'—using a torrent of words to avoid a genuine engagement with the core issue. When this stream of speech is paused, individuals often come face-to-face with the very things they are trying so desperately to avoid.

The Flight from Within: Why We Fear the Quiet

Carl Jung once remarked, "People will do anything, no matter how absurd, just to avoid meeting their own soul." One common method of this avoidance is to drown out the inner voice, to substitute genuine needs and feelings with external distractions, thereby postponing that crucial encounter with the true self.

A psychological experiment conducted with teenagers illustrates this vividly. Participants agreed to spend eight hours alone, by themselves, without using any means of communication like phones or the internet, and without turning on computers, radio, or television. Other activities like reading, writing, drawing, or playing musical instruments were permitted. Of sixty-eight teenagers aged 12 to 18 who reportedly took part, only three – two boys and one girl – managed to complete the full eight hours. The reasons for discontinuing were strikingly similar: "I couldn't do it anymore," "I felt like I was going to explode," "My head was going to burst."

This highlights a common human tendency. How often, when alone, does a hand automatically reach for the TV remote or to play music, not for entertainment, but to avoid the perceived discomfort of silence, to avoid hearing that inner voice? Perhaps even more daunting is the fear of discovering that the inner voice has fallen silent, leading to an encounter with a sense of inner emptiness. This experience can be painful and frightening, and our fast-paced modern world offers endless means to sidestep it.

The Hidden Value of Inner Stillness

There's wisdom in the adage 'silence is golden.' Hidden within the vast ocean of what might initially feel like boundless emptiness are profound insights and treasures. Discovering them, however, requires tremendous courage. It's about daring to listen to what emerges when the external clamor subsides.

Of course, there is another dimension to silence – that of individuals who find it difficult to express their feelings, who suppress them and use silence as a defense against what is trying to break free. But that is a rich topic for another time. For now, the invitation is to explore what silence holds for each of us.

Good luck to everyone in their self-discovery!

References

• Jung, C. G. (1958). The Undiscovered Self. Routledge.

  This book explores the alienation of modern individuals from their inner lives and the importance of self-knowledge. It provides a strong thematic backdrop to the article's discussion of avoiding one's "own soul" and the value of looking inward, a central message prompted by the experience of silence.

• Perls, F., Hefferline, R. F., & Goodman, P. (1951). Gestalt Therapy: Excitement and Growth in the Human Personality. The Gestalt Journal Press.

  This foundational text of Gestalt therapy details various ways individuals interrupt or avoid genuine contact with themselves and their environment. The mechanism of "deflection," mentioned in the article as a way of avoiding genuine discussion through incessant talk, is systematically discussed here, typically in chapters covering interruptions to contact (e.g., in the 1994 edition, the topic of deflection and other contact boundary disturbances is explored in Part II).

• Wilson, T. D., Reinhard, D. A., Westgate, E. C., Gilbert, D. T., Ellerbeck, N., Hahn, C., Brown, C. L., & Shaked, A. (2014). "Just think: The challenges of the disengaged mind." Science, 345(6192), 75–77.

  This research (pp. 75-77) demonstrates that many people find it uncomfortable to be alone with their thoughts for even short periods (e.g., 6-15 minutes), with some participants preferring mild electric shocks to simply thinking. This supports the article's point about the general human tendency to avoid unstructured quiet time and the "inner emptiness" that the teenage experiment also highlighted.