We all have our own ideas about what happiness truly means. That's why when someone maps out a future for us, it often doesn't align with our own deeply held dreams. The real challenge, and perhaps the truest goal, is to live with awareness, right here, right now. Yet, so often, we find ourselves thinking, "I don't feel like doing anything tomorrow, maybe I won't have time; I need to get everything done and set my priorities right." It’s a common paradox: the people we cherish most often receive the least of our focused love and attention, simply because we assume there will always be a "later."

The Waiting Game: Understanding Postponed Life

We’re likely familiar with procrastination – putting off tasks. The syndrome of a postponed life is its more extreme, life-encompassing counterpart.This isn't just about geographical or financial goals. In regions with pronounced seasons – cold winters and warm summers – there are often objectively valid reasons to put certain activities off. We can't garden in the snow, so we wait for spring. This waiting can become a habit.

It's an interesting observation that in places with near-constant, mild weather, like parts of California where it’s often said to be 22 degrees Celsius year-round, people might perceive time differently. Without the clear markers of changing seasons, the phrase "that was three years ago" might feel less intuitive than stating "that was in such-and-such a year." For many of us, however, seasons ingrain a pattern of postponement. This, coupled with past economic systems in some parts of the world where access to credit was limited and saving for major purchases was the norm, has, to some extent, programmed us to delay gratification, to continually save for the apartment, then the car, then the next big thing, always assuming life will truly begin "then."

But this isn't a localized phenomenon. A 2007 study by the American Psychological Association revealed that a staggering 95% of students regularly put off starting papers or exam preparation. Furthermore, about 20% of American adults identify as chronic procrastinators, always waiting for "better times."

The Clock is Ticking: Mortality's Motivation

Steve Jobs, in his renowned Stanford commencement address, shared a profound insight: "Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life." He suggested that death is a brilliant invention of nature; if it didn't exist, we'd need to invent it. The personal awareness of our mortality is a powerful catalyst, forcing us to set priorities and manage our time with wisdom. Tomorrow, quite simply, may not arrive.

The ancient Romans had a phrase, "Memento mori" – remember you will die. The writer Carlos Castaneda powerfully evokes a similar idea, suggesting we should consult with our death, which is always just over our left shoulder. This constant awareness of life's finiteness can profoundly alter our relationship with time. We often live as if life is endless, but as the satirist Mikhail Zhvanetsky keenly observed (among his many brilliant phrases), "With age, time flows faster." It might seem like there's an abundance of time ahead, but that's often an illusion. This realization urges us to act now, to cherish those close to us. There's a poignant line from a song that says, "The least love goes to our most beloved people." Do we truly manage to care for those we claim to love, or are we always waiting for a "better time" to do so?

Living Now: The Essence of Awareness

This awareness of mortality isn't meant to be morbid; it’s meant to jolt us into understanding that living "here and now" is the essence of awareness. It’s about realizing the preciousness of the present moment, enjoying what we have, and not perpetually waiting for all conditions to be perfect before we allow ourselves to pursue what we dream of.

A dream, after all, differs from a plan in its achievability. What we dream about can come true, but typically three circumstances align:

1. We are worthy of it – meaning we have contributed enough to the world to receive what we aspire to.
2. We are ready for it – we genuinely believe it's possible for us.
3. We intend to use it correctly – for ourselves and potentially for others, leveraging our talents, abilities, immunity, willpower, motivation, and even our unconscious.

Our unconscious mind, which expertly manages our physiological processes, is geared to package our internal resources and attract what's needed from the external world to achieve our goals. However, it only engages when it clearly understands what it (meaning, what you, at a deep level) will gain.

The Unmotivated Unconscious: Why Dreams Stall

Consider a person who says, "Help me realize my dream. I want to plant 100,000 trees in my hometown." Yet, after five years, a fund created for this purpose remains empty. Why? The dream, however noble, lacks a direct, personal benefit that energizes the unconscious. If the unconscious cannot visualize what you will personally get when this dream comes true, it's like a child who simply doesn't "want to." It won't release the necessary resources: the drive, the talents, the motivation. You might lie on the couch, full of grand but ultimately unrealized fantasies.

Another common mistake is dreaming primarily about money. Many coaches advocate for setting financial targets, but the unconscious mind doesn't truly grasp abstract numbers like 5,000, 5 million, or 5 billion. To it, these are just "five with some zeros." There’s no inherent laziness in us, only a lack of effective motivation. Learning to motivate oneself is a distinct skill.

One powerful technique, which leadership expert John Grinder identified from studying Nobel laureates, is the "view from the future." These exceptional individuals, often from a young age, would mentally project themselves into the future, imagining they had already achieved their great goal (like receiving the Nobel Prize). Then, they would look back, narrating to themselves the steps they took to get there. Crucially, their unconscious minds worked with vivid images and pictures.

Charting Your Course: Setting Goals That Resonate

It’s essential to create a compelling image of where you want to be. You cannot effectively move away from something (like loneliness or dissatisfaction) without a clear destination. If someone says, "Help me, I'm tired of being alone," the first question should be, "What do you want instead?" Often, the goal isn't just "not being alone" or "getting married." It's to be happy.

But what does happiness look like for you? Everyone’s vision is different. Some may desire a supportive partner, others seek self-realization through career, travel, creative pursuits like tending a garden, or nurturing a family, be it with children or pets. If you don’t know what you genuinely want, it’s hardly surprising if you find yourself listless and unmotivated. This often stems from a cultural upbringing where others dictated your wants and needs.

According to Freud, freedom includes the ability to want what you truly want. Many have lost this connection. Freud introduced the concept of "introjection": when we don't listen to our own deepest desires, we allow external voices – the "superego" (telling us what we should or must do because it's customary) or the "conscious ego" (telling us what is useful, logical, or beneficial) – to impose goals. We might consciously adopt these goals, believing them to be our own. However, because our unconscious self didn't participate in their creation and because these goals don't satisfy our authentic needs, we lack the genuine drive to act. We fantasize, but the will, motivation, and resources remain dormant.

Procrastination, and the broader syndrome of a postponed life, often arise from setting goals incorrectly, visualizing them poorly, or having unbalanced resources to achieve them. When our unconscious understands that the path is unclear or the resources (internal and external) are insufficient, it resists. Learning to set goals that align with our true selves, to visualize them compellingly, and to translate them into actionable plans is the key to breaking free from the waiting room of life.

References

• Steel, P. (2007). The nature of procrastination: A meta-analytic and theoretical review of quintessential self-regulatory failure. Psychological Bulletin, 133(1), 65–94.

  This comprehensive review provides strong evidence for the prevalence of procrastination, noting that approximately 20% of adults are chronic procrastinators and that up to 95% of college students engage in procrastination, particularly with academic tasks. This supports the article's statements on how widespread putting things off can be. (See pages 65, 79-80 for prevalence statistics).

• Freud, S. (1923). The Ego and the Id. The Standard Edition of the Complete Psychological Works of Sigmund Freud, Volume XIX (1923-1925): The Ego and the Id and Other Works. (Translated and edited by J. Strachey). London: Hogarth Press.

  While the concept of introjection was developed throughout Freud's work, The Ego and the Id is a foundational text for understanding the structures of the psyche (id, ego, superego) that the article mentions in relation to how externally imposed goals (from the superego or a misaligned ego) can fail to motivate if they don't align with deeper, perhaps unconscious, needs and desires. The article's discussion of why imposed goals don't generate internal drive aligns with Freudian ideas about internal conflict and the sources of motivation. (The general mechanisms of the superego and ego are discussed throughout).

• Csikszentmihalyi, M. (1990). Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience. Harper & Row.

  While not directly cited for a specific fact in the text, Csikszentmihalyi's work on "flow" and optimal experience deeply relates to the article's core message of living in the "here and now" and finding engagement and motivation. The book explores how people find genuine satisfaction and motivation when they are fully immersed in activities that are challenging yet matched to their skills, which contrasts with the state of listlessness that comes from postponed living or pursuing misaligned goals. (Particularly Chapters 1-4 discuss the conditions for flow and enjoyment in everyday life).